Lucky’s only response was to shake his head. He still refused to look at me.
“Lucky, would you look at me?” I asked gently. When he looked up, I saw that his eyes had gone blank.
It wasn’t the first time I’d seen that kind of reaction, but now I finally understood the reason for it. “You can tell me anything, Lucky.”
His eyes shifted to look at the scenery around us. “It’s not so bad,” he finally said.
I squeezed Xander’s hand hard and his thumb began tracing patterns into my skin. The move helped, since I had nothing else to occupy my hands like I normally did when I got anxious. I took a deep breath and focused on his touch for a few more seconds before saying, “Are they hurting you?”
Lucky refused to look at me as he spoke. “Sometimes they forget, you know?”
“Who?” I asked. “Forget what?”
He returned his eyes to the table. “The younger kids. They don’t always remember the rules. Ed gets mad ‘cause he likes it quiet when he gets home from work.”
“When Ed gets mad at the younger kids, do you do something to make him madder?” Xander asked.
Lucky hesitated and then nodded. I squeezed Xander’s hand so hard, I was shocked he didn’t make a sound.
I wanted to cry. To know the kid I’d helped get off the streets had ended up in a situation that was nearly as bad as the one he’d been in broke my heart. And it didn’t surprise me in the least that he’d put himself in harm’s way to protect the younger kids in the house.
“I’m sorry, Lucky,” I said softly. “I wanted to protect you—”
“It ain’t bad, B,” Lucky quickly interjected as he straightened. “It ain’t all the time like it was with Mom and Jerry.”
My throat felt too tight to speak and I looked helplessly at Xander. He squeezed my hand and then looked at Lucky. “Lucky, it’s not about settling for the lesser of two evils. You and all those other kids deserve to feel safe and wanted and loved.”
I reached across the table to cover Lucky’s hand with mine. “I’ll fix it when we get home, Lucky. I promise.”
His eyes held mine for a moment. “I know you will, B. You always take care of us… like we’re your real kids or something.”
I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes, but I managed to keep them at bay. “That’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.” I had to muster up the courage to continue because I was suddenly afraid Lucky would turn me down. When the hell had I already started to think of him as my kid?
I glanced at Xander and he nodded.
Our kid.
“Lucky, I was wondering if you might want to come live with me and Xander for a while. Well… not for a while,” I babbled.
His eyes widened and he leaned back. “For real?”
Xander and I both nodded at the same time.
“So, you’d like, be my foster parents?”
“Um, no, not exactly. We… we want something more permanent. We were hoping… if you were okay with it, that is… that you might let us adopt you.”
Lucky’s eyes shifted back and forth between me and Xander. “You— you’d be my dads? Both of you?”
“Yeah, we would,” Xander said. “Bennett would adopt you initially, but once he and I are married, I’d adopt you too.”
I jerked my head to look at Xander. We hadn’t talked about marriage, but even hearing it on his lips, and said with such certainty, had my insides doing a happy dance.
He wants to marry me.
“You don’t have to make a decision now,” I quickly said as I forced my eyes back to Lucky. “There are a lot of details to work out with Children’s Services to make sure I qualify and stuff, but I started making some calls and it looks really good.”
“So, I’d live with you and still go to the same school and stuff?”
“Um, in the beginning, yes. But we’d probably end up leaving New York to come live out here,” I said.
I felt Xander squeeze my fingers again, and I knew why. He kept seeing us living in Colorado as some kind of sacrifice on my part. So I turned to him to remind him of the same thing I’d said over and over this morning when we’d talked about what the future held for us.
“Remember what I said, babe. This is your home. New York will never be to me what this place is to you,” I explained. “Hell, Greenwich hasn’t even been that for me… not after you left.”
He nodded and then leaned over to kiss me. “I love you,” he said softly against my mouth.
“Love you too.”
“Geez, are you guys gonna be playing kissy-face all the time when I come live with you? ‘Cause I’m telling you now, watching your dads make out is not cool.”