I wasn’t just masking my feelings like Aiden said, I was wearing a mask. It had become a part of who I was. Aiden could see past the mask, but I hadn’t actually ever felt comfortable enough to take it off around him. I was still Bennett Crawford to him.
“He’s the only one, Aiden,” I whispered. “He’s the only one who ever just let me be me. His Benny.”
“So why won’t you fight for that?” he asked softly.
I forced my eyes open. “Who will I be if he says no? When I lost him the first time, it was different. I still had…”
“Hope,” Aiden finished for me. “You had hope you’d find him again.”
I nodded.
“Bennett, I can’t pretend to know what you’re feeling, but I do know this. If you get on that plane without having tried, it’s not hope you’ll be taking home with you. It’ll be regret. I don’t know about you, but I sure as shit know which one I’d rather wake up with every day.”
He leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead before climbing off the bed. “Aiden,” I called just as I heard him open the door. I sat up and kicked the covers off. “Can you ask Gary if he has a car I can borrow, and get me directions to Xander’s cabin? I need to change.”
“Well, I did have plans to check in on Larry,” he mused. “But I suppose it can wait a few minutes.”
“Let it go, Aid. The man’s straight. He’s not going to cave.”
Larry was one of the chaperones who’d accompanied us on the trip and had been helping out with the group of younger boys that Jake had been leading. Aiden had been shamelessly flirting with him, but the single dad was completely clueless.
“We’ll see,” Aiden said. I reached him before he could leave the room.
“Thank you,” I said softly, and then I was brushing a kiss over his cheek.
“Go get ‘em, B,” was all he said. His eyes twinkled as he shot me a soft smile and closed the door behind him.
Chapter 33
Xander
The rain was so loud on the roof of the cabin, I didn’t even hear the knocking at first. It was only Bear’s incessant barking that had me climbing out of bed. I didn’t need to look at the clock on my nightstand to know what time it was, because I’d been staring at the damn thing for the past three hours. I’d managed to pretend things were normal after I’d left the lodge, but it hadn’t lasted longer than me making it home and climbing in the shower. That was when the gig had been up and I hadn’t been able to pretend that I was in any way, shape or form okay with losing Bennett all over again. I’d ended up sitting on the shower floor crying my ass off until the water had turned so cold, I’d had no choice but to get out. But I hadn’t gone very far.
My bedroom, to be exact.
I hadn’t even bothered to dry off after I’d forced myself up off that floor. I’d gone straight for my bed and crawled between the sheets, not caring that they’d get wet. I hadn’t cried anymore because I hadn’t had any tears left, but I’d felt too numb to do anything but lie there. Jake had called me a few times, probably because he’d expected me to spend the night at the lodge. I hadn’t answered. After the first few calls, I’d silenced the phone and turned it over so I wouldn’t be tempted to check the screen.
So I wouldn’t have to be disappointed when Bennett’s name didn’t show up on the Caller ID.
I knew I was being ridiculous, because we hadn’t even exchanged numbers.
The floor was cold beneath my feet as I padded over to my dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled them on. Concern went through me as I realized my visitor was probably Jake coming to check on me. With his left foot being the injured one, he could have driven up the mountain road without too much trouble.
I flipped lights on as I went through the cabin. It wasn’t a big place, but it suited me perfectly.
I was all prepared to apologize for worrying Jake by not answering his calls, but my words died off when I yanked the door open and saw who was standing there.
“Bennett,” I said in disbelief. “What are you—”
“You need to pick me, Xander,” he said, raising his voice so I could hear him over the rain. It was coming down in sheets. He was completely soaked, but he didn’t even seem to notice. Before I could even respond, he said, “You need to pick me because I’m the one who knows how to make you laugh and I’m the one who knows where you’re ticklish and I’m the one who knows you’re afraid of spiders and I… I… I’m your Benny. You can’t just give me that nickname and let me be all weird and crazy and stupid and then pick him!”