I took a deep breath as memories of that night threatened to bring back long-forgotten emotions. “I didn’t know what he was talking about, and my mom must have seen the confusion on my face. She told me that Dad had run into one of my Harvard classmates on the golf course that day and he’d introduced Dad to my boyfriend. I thought I was going to die.”
“Oh shit, Benny,” Xander murmured and the sound of my nickname helped tame some of the rampant emotions I was feeling as I recalled my father’s fury. I doubted Xander was even aware that he’d slipped back into calling me that more and more these past couple of days, and I treasured every instance like it was gold.
“Yeah. It turns out it was Aiden, and he’d tried to stop it.” I slid a quick look at Xander when I mentioned Aiden’s name. They’d been getting along better, but I wasn’t sure how he’d feel about me bringing up the fact that I’d had a romantic relationship with the other man. Hell, I didn’t even know if he’d figured out that Aiden had been the guy I’d lost my virginity to. But Xander didn’t look upset. At most, there was a slight tension in his jawline, but it disappeared quickly, so I continued.
“He knew I wasn’t out to my parents, so he made a big joke about it. Said something like, ‘Ha-ha Brett, that’s hilarious. Nah, Mr. Crawford. Bennett and I are just friends. Nice to meet you, sir.’ He played it off, but I guess Brett’s face gave it away to my dad. And maybe that’s just when everything fell into place. It’s not like he didn’t already know.”
“What do you mean? You think he already knew you were gay?”
“He suspected it when you and I were in eighth grade. Seemed to be antsy about it. That’s why he—” I stopped myself. Shit. I’d been about to mention my dad’s warning about keeping things just friends with Xander, but I didn’t want to go there with him. It would bring up things between us that would most likely cause tension again. And I sure as hell didn’t want tension between us when we were alone together, sharing a beautiful hike on a perfect day.
“Why he, what?” Xander asked before whistling to get Bear’s attention from where he’d wandered a little too far.
“Nothing. I don’t want to talk about my parents anymore. Tell me about your coming out. Does Lolly know?”
Xander barked out a laugh. “Yes, Lolly knows. She thinks it’s the greatest thing ever and gets mildly inappropriate asking for details of all my relationships.”
I felt unease in my gut and tried to stop myself from asking the question, but it was no use. “Your relationships? How many have there been, exactly?”
Xander’s face flushed, reminding me of the shy boy I’d known so many years before. Fucking cute as hell. “None. I mean— well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve dated some guys, but nothing super-serious. I shouldn’t have said relationships. I just didn’t want to say my aunt was asking for details of my hookups. Sounds gross.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, kinda. But why haven’t you had any serious relationships? Just haven’t met the right guy yet?”
Xander looked at me with a small quirk of his lip. “Who wants to know?”
Now it was my turn to blush. “Never mind. Let’s change the subject.”
He bumped his shoulder into mine before mentioning that we’d reached the top of the pass. “We need to stop and use the binoculars to make a note of where everyone is,” he said.
Oh, right. The kids. I’d gotten so wrapped up in my hike with Xander, I’d forgotten about keeping track of the boys on their solo excursions. I reminded myself that it was a day to focus on the safety of the kids, but I began to wonder if I could find more time with Xander alone once we returned to the lodge the following day. Our group was scheduled to spend a couple of additional days there before returning home, and I could only hope Xander would be there too.
And that maybe he was feeling the same way… that it wasn’t time to say goodbye yet.
Chapter 23
Xander
I was in the process of pulling out my binoculars when Bear suddenly let out a few sharp barks and took off up a small rise to our right. “Bear!” I called, but he’d already disappeared through the heavy cluster of trees. I let out a sharp whistle.
“Think he heard or saw something?” Bennett asked.
“Maybe,” I responded as I tried to listen for the sound of his barking. I could usually tell a lot by the types of barks he let out. But there was nothing, and that had me worried. “Stay here,” I said. “I’ll be back in a second.”