Because of Bennett… because of all the things he’d done and said when we were kids to make sure I’d always had something to laugh about.
Lucky turned back to his map to double-check our direction as we continued making our way forward.
I forced myself to focus on Lucky and the trail, but for the rest of the hike down to Basin Lake, I couldn’t stop my damned brain from replaying scenes from my childhood. Of course, the one I didn’t want to remember was the scene I kept coming back to. The last time I’d seen Bennett— when he’d fucking ripped my heart out.
“Can I see Bennett?” I whispered as I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. I’d hoped and prayed Bennett would be the one to answer the door, but since life had decided today should be my worst nightmare come to life, it had also figured giving Mr. Crawford a starring role would be more amusing. After a nurse had found me passed out on the floor next to the gurney that had held my father’s sheet-draped body, Mr. Crawford had explained that he had things to see to and that my aunt would be arriving soon to take care of me.
I’d only met my Aunt Lolly a few times, though it hadn’t been because my father and she had been on the outs. No, my aunt was what my father had labeled a free spirit, and he’d explained that Lolly only got seen when she wanted to. I’d never really understood what that meant, but after meeting her a couple times, I’d learned enough to know that although she was an odd duck, she was a loving one. When she’d arrived to pick me up from the hospital, she’d held me for a really long time, and while it had felt good to have someone warm touching me after feeling my father’s icy skin, Aunt Lolly hadn’t been the one I’d needed.
No, the only one I needed was currently tucked away in the too-big mansion somewhere, and to see him, I had to get through Mr. Crawford first.
When I’d escaped the cottage for the big house and asked to see Bennett, I could hear music blaring from the back of the house. I could only assume the Crawfords were having yet another party, but that would be good for me because Bennett could easily sneak out when his parents were preoccupied with entertaining their fancy friends.
“Please, can I see him?” I asked again when Mr. Crawford made no move to get Bennett.
“Now isn’t the time,” he said blandly.
I could feel the tears threatening to spill over my eyelids, so I quickly looked away from him and said, “I’ll just be a minute. Promise.”
I didn’t even need the full minute. I just wanted Bennett’s arms around me long enough for him to send me that secret message I needed so badly. Whether he gave me his infamous wink or he squeezed me just a little harder than necessary or he whispered something nonsensical into my ear; I just needed something that I could hang onto until he could sneak away to be with me.
Mr. Crawford huffed and said, “Just don’t keep him.” Then he shut the door in my face, and I heard him calling Bennett’s name. I used the few seconds to dash madly at my eyes to try and clear them, but nothing I did could stem the tears. God, I just needed Bennett so fucking bad. I thought I could wait for him to come find me, but I knew I couldn’t. I felt like I was dying… like it was my chest being crushed like a vise. Was this what my father had felt in his final moments? This crushing weight? This uncertainty about whether or not he was dying?
When the door opened again, I let out a harsh sob at the sight of my friend and I stepped forward, too impatient to wait for Bennett to come to me. “Benny,” I cried out. But before I could reach him, he closed the door a little, leaving just enough room for his body. I stopped mid-stride.
“Hey,” he said softly, and then he cast a glance over his shoulder. When his eyes returned to me, he murmured, “Sorry to hear about your dad.”
I nodded because I didn’t know what else to do. Why wasn’t he letting me in? Or coming out?
“Benny, I need—”
A voice from somewhere inside the house cut me off and I saw Bennett look over his shoulder again. More voices joined the first and I realized he wasn’t alone. And the voices weren’t those of the Crawfords’ adult friends.
“Dude, you coming or what?”
Even in my fucked-up state, I knew whose voice that was.
Garrett Somersby. Captain of Bennett’s crew team and the guy who’d thought it was his personal mission in life to point out that I didn’t belong at Knollwood Academy because I was the dreaded scholarship kid.