Doc was the only one who noticed my freak-out. He came over and put a hand on the back of my neck. “You okay, son?”
I felt my hands begin to sweat and my knees shake. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Walker would ever set foot in Hobie, Texas, again, and that I’d get the chance to reconnect with him after so long.
“I think I’m just wiped out from the trip,” I said.
Doc wasn’t stupid. He saw right through me, and I could tell from Grandpa’s glance at us across the room, Doc wasn’t the only one.
Doc’s hand squeezed the back of my neck gently. “Why don’t you get some sleep? Felix’s cabin is free and might give you some privacy.”
“Where’s Felix?” I asked, wondering where my shy, bookish cousin had gotten off to.
“He’s studying some special stained glass in Europe. Won’t be home until after the New Year. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you staying at his place, Otto. Otherwise, it’ll be hours before this crew gives you any peace.”
I looked around at the room filled with Wildes—aunts and uncle, cousins, siblings and grandfathers. There were girlfriends and boyfriends now, and even a baby. It was everything Doc and Grandpa had always wanted—a full house of happy people coming together for each other and celebrating life’s moments. I wondered, not for the first time, why in the world my parents had been so hell-bent on moving overseas once all their kids were out of the house. They’d said it was the perfect time to go adventuring—after the kids were grown but before grandkids started coming—but now there was a grandchild in the mix, and Pippa hadn’t even met any of her grandparents yet.
I sighed and looked at Doc. “Have you talked to Mom and Dad today?”
He nodded. “They called this morning and talked to everyone on speakerphone. Said they’re hoping to come for a visit this summer if your dad can work it out with his schedule… They asked why you and Saint had decided to quit the navy.”
I swallowed and looked away. That wasn’t an easy question. “What did you tell them?”
“That it was none of my business, and I was just happy to have you home. As hard as it is for us to accept sometimes, you’re a grown man, Otto. You can choose your own path and no matter which one you pick, I’ll be happy as long as you are. I’m sure Bill and Shelby feel the same way.”
“Thanks, Doc. That means a lot.”
“You know what you want to do with yourself? I hear some firehouse in Dallas is trying to get you to sign on with them.”
I thought about my buddy Tanner who kept trying to get me to come join his station. I’d served with him briefly a couple of years before and kept in touch via email. It was a good offer, but I hadn’t been sure about moving away from Hobie. Now, with the news about Walker being in town, I was even less sure.
“Yeah. We’ll see. I need some time to think, I guess.”
Doc smiled. “Sure. Well, in the meantime we’ve got a few horses who’ll be happy to see you tomorrow. Why don’t you go on now and get some shut-eye?”
I leaned in and gave Doc a big hug. “Love you. Merry Christmas.”
“You, too, son. So happy to have you and your brother home safe where you belong.”
I made my way to Felix’s little cabin across one of the paddocks on the ranch property. After showering and sliding into bed, my thoughts went straight to the slender boy who’d left me without an explanation all those years ago. I had no idea what I would say to him when I saw him, and I had half a mind to ditch out of town before first light to avoid even the chance of seeing him. But my body knew my heart was spouting bullshit, and it finally dragged me down into a deep sleep that held me tight well past daybreak.
The following afternoon I lingered a long time in the barn after a mid-day trail ride with Doc, Grandpa and my aunt Gina. I rode my favorite horse, Gulliver, and enjoyed the fresh air and wide open spaces despite the cold nip in the air. When we returned to the barn, I’d offered to untack and brush all four horses myself so I could remain outside moving my body after all the long travel the day before and the endless months cooped up on a sub before that.
Once I stored all the equipment and got the horses settled in their stalls with some treats, I sat on a dusty wooden bench in front of one of the stalls and stared off into space. The warm smell of horse and hay was intoxicating, bringing back memories of my childhood and the familiar comforts of home.