Otto’s big hand lifted my face up so he could press soft kisses on my face. I closed my eyes for a minute and just soaked in the affection before continuing.
“I couldn’t let her raise my brother’s child alone, Otto. I couldn’t.” I felt like I was going to lose it. I needed him to understand. I tucked my head again and curled up even tighter against him, unwilling to have him see me cry.
“I love you.”
It was all he said, but it was enough to topple the dam.
“Oh god,” I sobbed into his throat. “Oh fuck, Otto. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t catch my breath. The weight of what I’d done to him was too heavy a burden to bear now that I was there in his arms and he was being so fucking forgiving.
“Shh, baby, stop. It’s okay. It’s in the past. You did what you needed to do to give Tisha a strong start in life. How could I ever begrudge you that? I know how much Ross meant to you, and I can see now how much Tisha means to you too.”
His arms held me close and his lips rested against the top of my head. I smelled the familiar scent of him and knew a comfort and love I hadn’t felt in over ten years, since I was a gangly-legged teenager who didn’t know the difference between a onesie and a sleeper. Part of me felt a million years old now, but part of me felt eighteen again and ready to begin my life with the man in my arms.
But there was more I needed to tell him.
“I was just going to marry her for the name at first, you know?” My voice was scratchy from the crying. “But then I realized Mom and Dad treated her and the baby differently once they were an official member of our family. Suddenly, Jolie was treated with respect if not love, and my parents treated the baby like the grandchild she is. I also knew how fucking impossible it would be for Jolie to try and raise a baby on her own, even if I could give her financial help, which I couldn’t. If I dropped out of college to help her, we’d both be screwed. So as long as I kept my parents happy, they paid to support us and send me to school. One of the only ways to keep them happy was to stay married to Jolie and keep the family together.”
“Do they accept Jolie now?”
I sighed. “Not really. I mean, they put up with her and act all nice, but it’s mostly just bullshit because they want Tisha in their life. They respect her as my wife and as Tisha’s mother. That’s it.”
“So you went to college and then went to work for the St. Paul PD?” Otto asked. “I can’t imagine trying to do all that with a newborn. You must have been eighteen when she was born, for god’s sake.”
“It was exhausting, but Mom did a ton of the work. We lived with them until I’d been on the force almost a year, then we rented a little house in South St. Paul. Tisha was almost five by then, and we needed to get away from my parents, who were constantly nitpicking our parenting style.”
“I can’t imagine they appreciated you moving out.”
I pulled back and looked at him. “They were so pissed at the neighborhood and school district we picked, they threatened to fight for custody of Tisha. There was a time I thought they might actually try it, too.”
The anger in Otto’s eyes didn’t surprise me. He’d always tried to protect me from my parents’ controlling ways. I remembered one time when my parents told me they thought I was too young for a driver’s license, Otto convinced my brother Ross to teach me instead. He was pissed my parents didn’t treat me the same as they treated my brothers.
“I told them that if they pursued their claim of me as an unfit parent, it could cause me to lose my job on the force. And even if it didn’t, none of my fellow officers would want to work with me again. They don’t take kindly to deadbeat dads, you know,” I admitted with a soft chuckle.
I felt Otto’s arms tighten around me, and I laid my head back down on his chest. “But they managed to convince me to spring for private school for Tisha, and it just about broke me. It’s part of the reason I agreed to move back here. That and the job would be safer and paid better since it was a promotion. You know it’s an elected position, right? I was just appointed temporarily until they can elect someone permanent this fall. I’ll have to run a campaign.”