I think about you every day, Otto, and wonder if you hate me. If you’re mad at me or just plain sad. It rips me up inside to know what I did to you, but I hope and pray you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day. Maybe when you find a nice man to fall in love with, you’ll realize it was all for the best.
Fuck. I can’t even write that without wanting to punch that guy in the face, whoever the hell he might be. But it wouldn’t be fair of me to betray you the way I have and expect you to wait around for me.
I love you more than you could ever know, Wilde Man.
Seth
(Unsent)
When I heard the words, I closed my eyes to sear them into my memory. It was no surprise I needed frequent reassurances from Walker that he wasn’t going to just ditch me again when his family needed him. I realized after everything that had happened between us back then, it would take me some time to fully trust him again.
I felt him slide his arms around me and lay his head on my shoulder. After pulling him in even tighter to me, I opened my eyes and met his.
“You can have me and coffee, you know,” I teased before kissing his forehead.
The tension in the room broke at that, and my family began chattering again. A couple of my siblings came up to squeeze Walker’s shoulder or pat him on the back. I kept him in an embrace the entire time, though, just to be sure of him. I knew he was most likely feeling judged and nervous about what my family thought of him. He knew the Wildes were fiercely protective and would do anything to keep me from getting hurt again, but I wanted to let him know that things between the two of us were okay.
Grandpa caught my eye across the kitchen island and winked, catching Doc’s attention and getting a butt pinch as punishment. “Save your winking for me, old man,” Doc teased.
“Come here,” Grandpa said, pulling Doc back by a belt loop. He laid a big kiss on Doc’s lips and put his big rancher’s hands on either side of Doc’s slender neck.
I felt Walker shift in my embrace and realized he was watching them too. My lips brushed his ear as I whispered, “You and me in fifty years.”
I felt his entire body shudder against mine and his face tucked into my neck. I could have sworn I heard him breathe the words promise me against my skin.
It seemed like my arm never strayed from around his waist all through family breakfast. Everyone was lively and chatty as usual. Hallie and Winnie talked about their jobs in Dallas and Nico told everyone about his booming tattoo business now that the guys on the nearby military base had finally started spreading the word about the shop.
“Not about the shop,” West said, beaming with pride. “About how talented he is, in particular.”
Nico’s skin flushed under all that ink, and I thought, not for the first time, about how lucky the two of them were to have found each other despite what an unlikely pair they were.
I noticed Hudson doing his usual thing cutting food into precise size bites on his plate just so. “Hey, Hudson. How’re things with Darci?”
He lifted his head up and looked at me like he was surprised to find himself in the farmhouse kitchen. “Huh? Oh. Fine. Her dad’s been trying to teach me about their family business, which is beer making. It took me a while, but I think I figured out it’s Darci’s way of pushing the two of us together. She wants me to bond with her family. Not so sure how I feel about it, but at least the science stuff is interesting. So, I hear you’re moving back here and taking that job at the HFD.”
“Yeah. I’ll miss you guys in the city, but I think it’s the right move for me.”
He nodded. “Can’t argue with that. I’ve always pictured you here, O. The horses and wide-open spaces… being able to help the people you know and love in your community. It’s a good move for you. We’re proud of you, brother.”
I felt a sudden tightening in my chest at his unexpected words of praise. “Thanks, Hud. I really appreciate that. More than you know,” I said in a rough voice.
He reached out and ruffled my hair the way he did when I was five. “I’m so damned glad you’re home safe.”
I knew he didn’t mean Amarillo. Saint must have told him about some of the crap I’d been through on my last boat. I didn’t mind, really. It was more that I was a little embarrassed. Like maybe I should have been braver or… smarter or… just plain better. But I couldn’t change the past.