“I think that’s amazing, Lio. My heart broke at the thought of you denying this part of yourself for the rest of your life. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
My heart was thundering with a cross between excitement and dread. This decision carried the mother lode of pros and cons—too many to list. I tried giving him my most supportive smile.
“You look like you just swallowed a slug,” he said.
I lifted the covers and glanced down at his shriveled cock, resting limply against one thigh, before I looked back up at him with a raised eyebrow.
His bark of laughter made me indescribably happy, but he quickly settled down and poked me lightly in the chest with his finger.
“Talk to me, Felix. Tell me what you’re really thinking.”
His eyes were pools of deep blue. They searched me for any hint of reaction.
“I think I love you, and it scares me,” I blurted, feeling suddenly so light-headed at the realization of what I’d done, I thought I might actually black out. “Oh god.”
Lio’s face lit up like the brightest sun. Eyes sparkling and bright, smile wide and sweet, and excited hope written all over the fucking place.
He leaned in to kiss me then, starting with the most tender press of lips and ramping up into a fever pitch before pulling away abruptly.
“I think I love you too, Felix. Pretty sure about it actually. I’ve never felt this way before. I want to tell the whole fucking world how amazing you are, and the very thought of denying those feelings has been making me sick.”
“It’s too soon,” I said before he could continue. “You can’t. We can’t. This isn’t the time. With everything else going on, I think you need to focus on you right now—the coronation and your new duties. There’s the thing with Hen and Jon, and your dad and Eleanor. I know the last thing you want is to be part of a trifecta of royal sex scandals. And I don’t think this country deserves that either.”
I could see his disappointment, but I could also see the part of him that agreed with me, that knew waiting was the right thing to do.
Lio placed his palm on my bare chest and held it there.
“You’re freaking out. I can feel your heart trying to beat out of your chest.”
“I don’t quite know if I can handle being part of all this,” I admitted in a whisper. “It terrifies me.”
He gathered me against his chest and wrapped both arms around me. “Me too, but isn’t it so much better being terrified together? I’m so damned lucky I met you.”
“I just don’t see how it’ll work. Even if we wait,” I began, but he cut me off.
“No way. You do not get to decide it’s not going to work before you’ve even given it a try. No. Forget it. We are going to talk it through while we wait for this other shit to settle down. We’ll come up with a plan, okay? Something that works for both of us. Just don’t… please don’t give up on me before we have a chance to think it through together, okay? You can’t break up with someone you’re not even dating yet. Promise me.”
I reached my hand up and ran a fingertip along his jaw. “I promise.”
There was no way for me to know by the end of the following night, I’d break my promise and run home to Texas.
Chapter 37
Lio
Walking into my coronation ball the following night, I felt ten feet tall and bulletproof. I had the love of the one person on earth I cared about most of all, and I could for once in my life envision having everything I’d ever wanted.
The ceremony itself had gone through as smoothly as I could have hoped. There was something about an official royal ceremony that brought the hairs up on your skin and a swell to your chest. The import of the moment was not lost on me. I was taking my place in a thousand-year-old line of rulers, all of whom shared a part of my DNA.
As I’d stood at the front of Saint Nicholas Cathedral for the mass led by the archbishop, I thought of the many coronation masses that had come before mine. I had studied them in great detail as part of my education, but the only one I’d attended, of course, had been my father’s.
When my beloved grandfather had passed away, my father had officially mourned for three months before his own investiture ceremonies. Even when it had been time for his coronation, I’d been so overwhelmed with sadness upon losing my hero, I’d spent the festivities in a fog. I’d been eighteen at the time and had been flown home from boarding school in the States to attend his funeral and subsequent official ceremonies to seat my father on the throne.