“What’s going on between Otto and Walker?” I dove onto the opportunity to shift the attention off me.
“Otto’s avoiding him,” Grandpa explained. “Which is awkward as hell considering Walker is the sheriff and Otto got a job at the firehouse.”
I opened my mouth to ask more about it when Grandpa held up a hand to keep me from speaking.
“Later. Right now we’re still talking about your new man.”
“He’s not my new man, Grandpa. He’s… he’s…” I gave up trying to define what Lio was to me. A dream? A memory? Fuck. Either way it was depressing as hell.
“A nice man in need of a friend?” Grandpa’s words were gentle, as usual, and it made my chest tight. “Because, honestly Felix, I think you’re one too. And I think letting this guy in could be good for you.”
“Why are you two pushing this so much?”
The two of them exchanged looks again before focusing back on me. It was Doc who spoke next.
“Because without your grandfather, I wouldn’t have survived losing my wife and raising our children. That friendship saved me, Felix.”
I noticed Grandpa’s eyes fill as he reached for Doc’s hand and looked away. Doc continued.
“Even if nothing else had happened between us, knowing there was one person, one heart, on this earth who saw and understood the real me, who stood behind me no matter what, made all the difference in the damned world. It sounds like this guy could use someone like that. Someone like you in his corner.”
Grandpa leaned over and kissed Doc’s cheek, causing Doc to turn and bury his face in Grandpa’s neck. I heard them exchange murmured I love you’s and Grandpa’s strong arms came around to squeeze Doc tight.
The lump in my throat grew so big at the sight of the two men who were essentially my parents exchanging a love that had survived so much adversity through the years. These two men inspired me. They modeled the kind of relationship I wanted, and I knew it would be hard settling for anything less than what they’d found with each other.
“I’ll think about it,” I said just before Otto dropped down in the seat next to me again.
“Enough of this feelings bullshit. Felix is coming with me to the far fountain again. I forgot to take some pictures for my parents.”
I’d never expected to be so relieved to leave the warm comfort of the fire to venture out into the cold again.
I’d thought about my grandfather’s words the rest of the afternoon and through dinner at a nice restaurant near the hotel. My three companions seemed to be having a wonderful vacation in Paris while I quietly contemplated my entire fucking life.
So by the time Hen’s call came that night, I was wound up as tightly as a bowstring.
“Henriette,” I said, trying desperately to sound happy and carefree. “So good to hear from you.”
“Cut the shit, Felix. My brother needs you.”
My stomach launched itself into my throat. “What’s wrong? Is he okay? Did something happen?”
“Oh, honey, no. I’m sorry. He’s fine. Well, I mean… clearly he’s not fine. The stress is burying him. He’s become some kind of automaton. It’s like he’s slipped on this fake mask of cordiality and there’s no one beneath it. It’s super creepy.”
“I’m sure he’s just trying to navigate the demands of his new role,” I said, wondering if I was reading from some kind of corporate teleprompter.
“No. He’s freaking the fuck out. And now he’s gone away somewhere in his head, Felix. Which is causing me to freak the fuck out. And that means Jon is—”
“I get it,” I interjected. “But I don’t understand what you think I can do about it.”
“You told me you were in Paris.”
“I am.”
“Well, on your way home I was hoping you’d just stop in for a few days to maybe talk to him. Calm him down. Figure out where his head is with all of this. It’s like he’s being pulled in a million different directions, and I’m afraid he’s going to snap. The coronation is in just a few days, and he could really use a friend right now.”
“Hen—”
Her voice started to tremble, and I didn’t know her well enough to decide whether it was put on or not. “I’m worried, Felix. This is serious. It’s not okay. Can’t you just come for the ceremony? He could use some moral support. Or… hell. Come see me. Come talk me down from the ledge. The stress of this coronation shit is getting to me too. And Jon is trying his hardest to be the perfect royal guard, which means I get to see him approximately never, and then there are the demands of my parents—”
“Fine. I’ll come for you. But I’m not staying longer than it takes for him to go through the ceremonies. And you have to remember Lio and I… we’re just friends. He made his decision, and we’re going to respect that. Don’t think this is more than it is, because we both know it can’t be. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to cause him to feel even more torn in different directions than he already is. Promise me, Hen.”