He was curled into a ball in my lap, all slender arms and legs. His hair was a damp twist of color, and he pressed his face into my neck as he let out shuddering tears.
“She’s gone, West.” It was softly spoken, and I almost didn’t catch it. “They’re both gone and I never got to say goodbye.” I realized then that he’d never had a chance to mourn his mother even though she’d been gone for years. As far as Nico felt, she might as well have died just the week before. My heart broke for him.
“I know, baby. I know,” I murmured back, trying to calm his breathing and not really realizing what I was saying. “I miss Adriana too. So goddamned much.”
“I… I… used to follow her around everywhere. I just wanted her to like me… And my mom… She’s the only person who—” His breathing was still catching, and he was having trouble regulating his breath.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Just breathe, Nico.” I held my arm tightly around his body and used my free hand to brush the wet strands off his face.
We sat in a heap together like that, each of us taking comfort from the other’s touch without either of us speaking. I listened to the catches of his breath, felt the warm fingers of his hands grasping my shirt, and pressed my lips to his temple.
My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. After a few moments, I realized his breathing had calmed and he was toying with the buttons of my shirt with his fingers. He looked up at me, and our eyes met. The intensity of the connection between us was like a lightning bolt to the solar plexus, and it was too much. Too much for both of us, probably, but sure as hell too much for me considering my mixed-up feelings about the man.
When I’d seen him through the door, I’d wanted to kiss him, touch him. But now? Now what I wanted seemed like so much more than that.
Things went from natural to awkward in the span of time it took for me to take my next shaky breath. I quickly reached for the towel from where it lay in a damp heap next to us and handed it to him, trying not to look at his groin. There was no way in hell I’d be able to keep my cock in my pants if I caught sight of his, and regardless of what was happening between us, I wasn’t about to make a move on the guy while he was clearly grieving.
“I’m… I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I should, ah… go,” I stammered, shifting a bit so he wasn’t held so tightly to me in case he wanted to stand up.
After covering himself with the towel, he lifted his head and locked eyes with me again. His were bright, and I noticed the varied shades of green and blue flecked together to make the most exquisite irises. Wet tears were caught up in his dark lashes, and I saw a tiny jagged scar along the edge of his chin next to a freckle. Even in his grief, he was more beautiful than any human being I’d ever seen close up.
I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, sliding a hand into the hair on the side of his head to hold him still long enough to move my lips from his forehead to his cheek. He smelled clean and felt soft and warm against my skin. Not a single fiber of my being was okay with leaving him there alone.
Nico let out a tiny sound with his breath, and I felt it in the deepest part of my belly.
“Stay,” he breathed.
God, how I wanted to.
“I can’t. I shouldn’t,” I whispered. “Not like this. I have to go.”
We stayed motionless for a few more moments before I spoke again. “I have to go.” As if saying it the second time would force me to actually follow through with it.
“Then go,” he said quietly, glancing down to where my arm had tightened back around him like a steel band.
I quickly pulled away from him. After tucking his head down and standing up, Nico quickly wrapped the towel back around his waist and secured the ends together.
I stood and turned to face the door, but before I could pull it open, Nico’s arms came around my front and he pressed his body against my back. I felt his nose brush against the nape of my neck, and I closed my eyes with a sigh. I grabbed his hand from my chest and brought it up to my mouth.
I kissed his open palm before resting my cheek against it for the briefest of moments. And then I peeled his arms off me and strode out into the night.