“I can see that,” she bit off.
He stared at her.
And then he demanded, “Okay, what’s actually the matter?”
She looked to her wine.
Then she nabbed it and threw a whole lot back.
She put it down and said, “Tom knows about us and I didn’t tell him. We had a deal, if one of us started dating, we’d warn the other, no matter how casual. Tom also knows about you and who you are to me, and as such, he realizes this is far from casual. And you might have found out only recently that Dora had an issue with me, when you emerged as the CEO of an up-and-coming and very popular, which means very successful store, Tom knew who you were and there were issues. I thought he worked through them, but even if he didn’t share the fullness of his feelings this morning, I got the drift and somehow he’s seeing this as a betrayal. And he’s very angry and Tom doesn’t get angry. Not at me.”
“Was he a dick to you?”
“Very much so, and that’s not Tom.”
“Trying not to lose it here, baby,” he said softly in warning.
“You can’t be mad. He’s right. I should have told him. It should have come from me.”
“You’re divorced, he really does not get that, Gen.”
She shook her head. “That isn’t who we are.”
That tension in his neck came back and his words were careful when he suggested, “Maybe you should share who you are.”
She went to the stove.
Stirred the sauce.
He waited, not very patiently.
She came back to the island.
She put her hands to it, leaned into them, her head bent.
When she looked up at him, he knew to brace.
So he did.
And it was good he did.
“Okay, you see, when I lost the last man I loved, I lost my best friend.”
Fuck.
“And when Tom cheated on me, and there was no question, because I smelled some perfume on one of his shirts that wasn’t mine, and I honest to God thought it was Chloe’s, but I teased him that he was stepping out on me, and he couldn’t lie and say it was his daughter’s. So he admitted it to me.”
“Jesus, baby,” Duncan whispered.
She nodded.
“It was not good. And although there is a part of me, in the months that came after, the endless talks, the counseling, that understands that, when my career dwindled, the roles I was offered were less interesting, less challenging, and then eventually simply insulting, I turned in on myself. Which means I tuned out my marriage, and him, and our sex life. Which I will admit, regrettably and with not a small amount of guilt, became nonexistent for a good length of time. It still was not okay for him to go out and fuck someone that was not me.”
“No,” Duncan said gently.
“But he did. And I couldn’t get past that. I tried. But I couldn’t. It was frustrating for us both. And harming what we had left. Which was still based in love, and respect, and history, and our family, and for me, very importantly, he was my best friend.”
Tears were brightening her eyes, and it took a lot for Duncan to keep his seat, but he did and said, “I get that.”
“So we made a deal to cut our losses with the marriage, and keep hold of the friendship. And so far, it’s worked.”
“And now there’s me.”
She nodded again. “And now there’s you.”
“And you don’t wanna lose him in the way you have him,” Duncan deduced.
She shook her head and looked away.
Now was the time.
He got off his stool and moved to her.
She didn’t fight him when he pulled her in his arms.
Hers only loosely went around him and she shoved her face in his chest.
And he was right.
It was the time.
Because she lost it.
“I-I’m not c-crying because there’s something there. It just died, Bowie. He killed it and he didn’t mean to, but he did. I c-couldn’t be intimate with him anymore. It was in my head. Did he touch her like that? Did he kiss her there? They’d fucked two times, and it was only her, and I believe that with the mess he was in sharing it, knowing what it was doing to us, and knowing it could have been fifty women and thousands of times, or just one just once, and it wouldn’t matter. The damage was done.”
She tipped her head back and her mascara was running a little.
“But I’d lost you and you were gone. We had a lot of sex, but you listened when I had a bad day, or we laughed when my mom was being crazy, or you unloaded on me when your dad was a dick. You were my go-to and then Tom was my go-to. I couldn’t lose another go-to.”
“Totally understandable,” he said soothingly.
“And I can’t now, even if I have my other go-to back,” she admitted, then shoved her face in his chest again.