Victoria mustered a smile because she was delighted to see Jane and because she had had enough drama last night. Being weepy and dispirited would not help her cope with the knowledge she had discovered two nights before. “I will be fine, Jane,” she prevaricated. “It’s so good to see you.”
“You don’t look fine, especially for someone who is the subject of all the latest scandal broth, in a decidedly good way. Have you seen the new issue of Hither and Yon?” Jane produced the newsletter from her reticule. “Can you believe this sketch of you and Taviston?”
Well, of course she could. She’d poured hours into drawing herself and her future husband gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. What better way to sell the story of their l
ove match and keep the scandalmongers at bay? A coyly placed fan hid her face so that Mr. Ripley wouldn’t recognize her.
“I have a headache,” Victoria admitted, deciding to ignore the sketch, “but only because I was awake the last two nights, realizing a dreadful truth.”
“That you should have made a wonderful actress?” Jane teased.
Despite her misery, a soft laugh escaped Victoria’s lips. “No, even worse.” She quickly sobered though and couldn’t stop herself from admitting the truth to Jane. She had to confide in someone other than Arthur. “I truly am in love with Taviston.”
No wonder it had been so easy to pretend.
Not a trace of surprise shone in Jane’s blue eyes. “I see,” she said while picking at some invisible thread on her green muslin skirt. “Most women who find themselves in love are a little more... how shall I say it? Happy. Joyful. Exuberant. Blissful. Choose which one describes your emotions best.”
Victoria rose and walked over to the chair on which Arthur sat. He had deigned to return from his adventures today. She picked him up and took his spot in the chair, settling the large ball of fur on her lap.
“I am feeling none of those things,” she said as she stroked Arthur’s head and back.
“Please enlighten me as to how it could be dreadful to marry a man you love.” Jane kept her voice level and her tone sympathetic, but Victoria couldn’t help but think a bit of amusement lurked somewhere in her friend’s attitude. “Is he not worthy of your love? Is that it?”
“That’s not it. He is very worthy of my love. I don’t believe many people realize what a wonderful man he is. He’s intelligent, thoughtful, responsible and passionate. He also has a brilliant sense of humor he tries to hide. In addition, he is annoying, irritating, and frustratingly complex.”
A broad smile swept over Jane’s face. “You are in love.” Then her smile faded. “I still don’t see why this is so horrible. You know how impatient I am, so please explain.”
Arthur jumped down from her lap and Victoria stood. The feline strolled over to the window seat and hopped up. Using his large front paw, he tried to trap a rain drop sliding down the outside of the glass. Without realizing he had been unsuccessful, he tried again when another cascading drop caught his attention. Victoria watched him futilely repeat this pattern again and again and shared Arthur’s torment of wanting something beyond reach.
With reluctance she pulled her gaze from the cat and turned back toward Jane. After being alone for so many years she still found it difficult to share her feelings with another. But why have friends if one wasn’t willing to open oneself to them?
“I do not want to marry the man I love if he does not love me. Can you think of a more terrible way to spend your life? Loving someone who does not return your love?” Victoria raised an eyebrow towards her friend.
Jane rose and marched over to squeeze Victoria’s hand. “I can imagine how unbearable that might be, but you sound as if you are certain Taviston doesn’t love you. It’s possible he might, or he may grow to love you.”
Victoria smiled at the hope shining in Jane’s eyes but found she couldn’t maintain it. “I am certain he doesn’t love me. He’s only marrying me to avoid scandal and isn’t that ironic?” She saw the denial on Jane’s face, so she held up a hand. “It’s the truth. Last night he admitted he made a mistake in kissing me. He only agreed to marry me because he wanted to keep that episode quiet.”
On a soft sigh, Jane replied, “I am sorry.”
Victoria took comfort in the empathy in her friend’s eyes. Indelicately she shrugged her shoulders. “I shall survive, especially if you remain my friend.”
“Of course I will remain your friend! Don’t speak such nonsense.” Jane waved her hand in the air. “There is a very simple solution to your problem. You do not have to live your life married to a man who doesn’t love you.”
“I have no choice.”
“All you need do is cry off the betrothal. It isn’t unheard of for a young lady to do such a thing. A gentleman would never break an engagement, but a lady may.”
“Don’t you see, Jane? I cannot do such a thing. Think of what scandal a broken engagement would cause. I could never hurt Taviston in such a way. He would be devastated, and I love him too much to ever cause him such pain.”
How wonderful love was. She would willingly inflict a lifetime of pain upon her heart just to spare the man who probably cursed her existence every night before he fell asleep.
“Oh, Victoria. What a horrible situation. I will—” Jane was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“Enter,” Victoria said despondently.
Molly managed to open the door despite the two boxes she carried. She brought them over to the sofa, one long and rectangular, the other short and square.
“These just arrived for you, miss,” she said as she gently set them upon the sofa.