Malyshka.
When he just lunged after me into the lake.
How his naked body felt against mine.
Demitri.
With the memory of his arms wrapping tightly around me, I struggle to breathe past the excruciating ache grinding my heart to dust.
How do I move on after being loved by the most extraordinary man to walk the face of this planet?
No kiss will ever compare to his. No arms will give me the safety I felt with him.
Demitri took a bullet for you, Ariana. He was prepared to die for you. You find a way to go on. For him.
This is the only way you can keep him safe.
As the plane touches down in Seattle, and I step out into the sunlight, everything looks too bright.
Nikhil’s waiting by an SUV for me, and as I walk toward him, I wipe my cheeks and then lift my chin high.
“Hi, Ariana,” he says when I reach the car. “Demitri said I’ll be guarding you indefinitely.”
Indefinitely.
Forever.
Demitri knows I’m not going back to him.
He already knew when he kissed me goodbye, and still, he let me go.
I nod and climb into the passenger seat, keeping my head lowered, so Nikhil doesn’t see my heartache.
If Demitri loves you enough to let you go, you can do it as well.
“Home?” Nikhil asks after climbing in behind the steering wheel.
I nod again. “Home.”
I instantly think of the island.
As Nikhil drives me to my apartment, I stare out of the window at the familiar streets and buildings, and they all seem so foreign now.
This isn’t home anymore.
I’m exhausted by the time Nikhil stops the SUV in front of my apartment building. He also gets out and walks with me. Stepping into my place, Nikhil searches through the rooms, and then he says, “You still have the tag, right?”
I nod, and pulling it from beneath my shirt, I show him.
“Press the panic button if anything happens. I’ll be in the car right outside the building. If you have any plans, notify me.” He takes his phone from his pocket and then says, “Give me your phone.”
I gesture to my bedroom. It’s in there where I left it on charge the night Demitri took me. Walking to the room, I pick up the device from my bedside table. When I unlock the screen and check the messages, they’re all spam.
No one noticed I was gone.
I walk back to the living room and hand Nikhil the phone. He programs his number into the device and then calls his own phone to get my number.
“Text me your plans every day, so I can look at the routes to take.”
“What if I want to do something unexpectedly?”
“Then you call me. Whenever you’re ready to go out, let me know, and I’ll collect you from the door.”
“Okay.” As Nikhil walks to the front door, I ask, “If you’re watching me all the time, when will you sleep?”
“Sacha will join me soon. Don’t worry.”
I watch as he pulls the door shut and then turn to look at the place I used to call home. Now it just feels empty.
Walking to the bedroom, I crawl onto the bed and slump down on top of the covers, and then I cry for the love I had to give up.
There are no words to describe what I’m feeling. It’s like cancer is ravaging every happy feeling I’ve ever had.
Demitri became my life, and without him, it will be near impossible to simply exist.
DEMITRI
Two days after Ariana left, I step off the jet. Alexei sat with me until I was calm enough to start thinking clearly.
I still don’t know why she left, but it’s definitely not because she doesn’t know how she feels about me. The day she left, I believed her because it made sense that staying with me would be hard for any normal person. I don’t live an easy life.
But then I got to thinking of how well Ariana handled everything during our time together. I remember the way she looked at me before I got shot – like I was her life.
When I woke up, that’s when she was different. So either the shootout and me getting hurt scared the living shit out of her, or there’s something I’m missing.
Nikhil meets me with a frown. “I thought Sacha was coming.”
“He’s staying with Alexei. Give me an update.”
“She hasn’t left the apartment since I dropped her off.”
I instantly frown. Knowing there’s no food at her place, I ask, “Did she have food delivered?”
“No.”
My worry grows as I stop by the passenger door of the SUV. “Did you check on her?”
“Yes. She replies to the messages.”
“But you haven’t actually seen her?” I ask, anger shimmering through in my voice.
“No. You said not to smother her. I figured she wanted to be alone.”
Taking a calming breath, I climb into the car. When Nikhil pulls away from the landing strip, I say, “You’ll take the day shift, and I’ll take the night shift.”