“That’s what inspired Pops to start training for marathons,” I add.
Declan slow claps. “Best story ever.”
After we eat and say goodbye to my sister, our next stop is the Alliance for a game day. River and Owen meet us in the lobby, and after the requisite hellos, our quartet heads to the games room, sinks onto the couches and joins the regular crew.
“Hey, Jason,” Declan says to the quarterback.
“Good to see you again, man, and prepared to be annihilated,” Jason replies as he grabs a controller.
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Declan says with extra bravado.
After a few rounds of NBA 2K, we switch gears to Plants vs. Zombies, then dive into Minecraft. Declan is shit at most of them, but I’m worse and Jason takes us to task.
“G-man, you and your dude need to work on your skills,” Jason says when he destroys me.
“I’ll see if I can add it to my schedule along with catching nearly one hundred sixty-two games,” I say.
“Excuses, excuses,” River calls out as he and Owen lead their team to victory.
“Clearly we’re just going to have to work harder at Xbox instead of the batter’s box,” Declan tells me. He turns to Jason. “I might need lessons,” he says, then lowers his voice to a stage whisper, pointing to me, “But Grant needs them more.”
“True that,” Jason says.
After one more round, Declan and I say our goodbyes, and Jason does too. The three of us head to the exit, and on the way out, I shoot the quarterback an expectant look, figuring the timing of his exit isn’t entirely coincidence. “So . . . how did everything go?”
He flashes me a grin. “It went pretty well, actually.” Jason turns to Declan, to add, “I came out to my teammates a week ago. During summer practice.”
My boyfriend’s eyes light up. “That’s awesome.” Declan lifts a hand to high-five him, and Jason smacks back.
“I’m stoked for you,” I add.
“And listen,” Jason says, his expression turning serious. “You guys being out, being together, it’s . . . awesome. It means a lot to me. So, thank you.”
Declan claps Jason on the shoulder. “I’m proud of you.”
Jason nods a few times. “I think I am too.”
Yup, now is the time to ask.
This is it, this is it, this is it.
This is the perfect opportunity.
Before I start up my Tesla a few minutes later, I turn to Declan and jump off the cliff. “Do you want to have kids?”
He blinks and jerks back. “What?”
“Do you?” I ask, nerves threaded through my tone.
“I . . .” He doesn’t complete the sentence. His mouth just hangs open.
I fill the silence. “Because we can, you know. We can adopt from a ton of countries. We can adopt domestically. We can foster. There are a lot of options.”
“Yes, I’m aware,” Declan says, taking his time with each word. His brow knits. “But, Grant . . . do you mean now?”
Oh, hell.
Maybe I shouldn’t have dived into the deep end. “No! Shit. Sorry. I don’t mean now. I mean down the road. Someday,” I say, sweeping out my hand as if to indicate the distant future so I don’t freak him the fuck out. “Not for a while. Not when we’re both traveling all the time and in the prime of our careers.”
“Okay. Whew. I thought you meant now, and honestly, the answer to that would be no.”
“Same here,” I say, quickly—maybe too quickly. “But . . .” I take a breath, and it feels like I’m drowning. I try to swim up. “Someday?”
Declan parts his lips, drags a hand through his hair. “Why are you asking now?”
“I don’t know,” I say, backpedaling.
He reaches for my hand, runs his fingers across my knuckles. “You do. You think things through. You research them. Then you blurt them out.”
This man knows me too well. I sigh, dipping my head, like I’ve been caught stealing.
“Have you been researching gay couple adoption?” he asks, like he can read my mind.
I raise my face and man up. “Yes. I like to be prepared.”
A sliver of a smile shifts his lips, then disappears. “What’s making you think about that? We haven’t even talked about . . .” He gestures from him to me.
He doesn’t say marriage.
I don’t either.
It feels like the most taboo word in the world.
And I don’t want to tread on taboo right now. But I do want him to know my heart. “Talking to Jason got the ball rolling. He made a comment a few weeks ago that I was good with talking to him. That I’d make a good dad. And then your mom coming to help me. It just felt so right. The way she took care of me, and I feel like I could do that really well for another person. For a kid.” I drag a hand roughly through my hair, feeling wired with tension. “Am I freaking you out?”