She’d light this thing inside me, a fire, an inkling, a fucking connection I thought I’d never feel to a human being again.
The Reina from today is different. She’s so fucking similar to her old self.
But isn’t that what I want? Old Reina is someone I can deal with, someone I can torture and kill. She’d deserve it. That’s why I demanded she go back to her old ways.
Now that I’m getting what I wished for, I want to grip her by the throat and fuck that old bitch out of her.
Is the new Reina dead?
I stay in my room for two days—or that’s what I’ve determined based on counting the number of meals Izzy has brought me.
That gloomy cloud hovers over my head like imminent doom.
I fought it, you know—I tried to, anyway.
I tried not to let it occupy my thoughts, but at some point, it just did.
For the first time, I had no appetite for the food Izzy left in front of the door. I didn’t even shower or change clothes. I didn’t sleep or do anything.
For two days, I curled up under the covers in the dark and allowed those black thoughts to seep in.
They keep whispering and murmuring in hushed voices as if no one else should hear them. They’re only meant for me, after all.
Why don’t you just let go?
Why are you holding
on to a life that means nothing to you?
No one would notice you’re missing, you know.
No fucking one.
Tingles assault my nose and pressure builds behind my eyes, but I don’t cry. It’s like I can’t. I don’t have the right to.
I don’t have the right to anything.
I’ve been resisting the cloud’s whispers and murmurs, but why should I? What is there to resist?
My life is a clusterfuck, and although I have nothing to lose, I have nothing to gain either.
If I go against Asher, if I make him pay for what he did to me, what good would it bring?
Will I feel liberated at the end? Would I find a new purpose for life?
He knocked on my door yesterday. I didn’t answer and he went away.
Good. I don’t want to see his face again, not ever.
I don’t want to think about how he played with my heart, body, and mind, how he allowed the gloomy cloud to sweep over me.
Or did he?
After all, the gloomy cloud is all in my head. I realize that, I do, but that doesn’t mean I can resist it.
My armor is still unable to rebuild after the shocks I’ve received.
A knock on the door startles me from my numb state. I don’t answer. If it’s Izzy, she’ll leave the plate in front of the door then return to take it back as it is.