My heart clenches at her vulnerability. Jax and Vera don’t need an outsider looking in on their tense moment. I step away from them, slowly inching back until I’m in a separate hallway.
I turn, running into a hard body. Zack’s hands wrap around my arms to steady me. A single tear runs down his face. The silent pain these two men experience daily fills me with despair.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Please ignore what happened. Vera has mood swings from time to time. She’s not proud of them so I’m asking you to pretend you didn’t see her break down like this.”
“Of course. Is there anything I can do to help?”
He swallows and nods. “Will you please check on the food? I’m sure it’s burnt by now and the last thing we need is a fire.”
I agree, and Zack walks back toward the bar. My footsteps echo through the empty halls. Mindlessly, I keep an eye on the food on the grill while working through my thoughts.
In my research of Vera’s disease, a lot of doctors talked about mood swings and irritability. And there’s one thing reading about it, but it’s a whole other experience seeing it with my own eyes. No wonder Jax has anxiety and stress about his mom. If I were in his position, I doubt I’d be any better off, feeling helpless to her deterioration.
The click of the grill shutting off surprises me. I turn to find Jax’s eyes looking down at me. He doesn’t hide the pain in his gaze as he takes a few deep breaths. Without second-guessing myself, I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a squeeze. “I’m sorry about your mom. God, I’m so freaking sorry you have to experience that and pretend everything is okay. No one in your family deserves this, most of all your mom.”
His arms copy mine, holding me closer to his body and resting his chin against my head. “I wish she wasn’t sick.”
“Me too.”
“I wish she didn’t have these mood swings. Not because it bothers me, but more because it breaks her heart. She hates herself afterward for the things sh
e says. I know it’s not her, but I still take her words personally sometimes.”
“No one would blame you for feeling that way. Does this happen often?” I move to step out of Jax’s embrace, but his arms tighten around me.
“Enough times that they recently changed her medicine. It’s the only part of her disease she can’t hide with a smile. When she gets in that headspace, it’s a battle with herself.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“I feel like donating every single euro I’ve made to finding a cure.”
“Do you think doctors will find it?”
“Probably not in my mother’s lifetime.”
I hope, if Jax has the same disease, a cure would be discovered before any symptoms kick in. I mentally hit myself for thinking the very thought in the first place.
Jax releases me from the hug, giving me room to take a few breaths of fresh air.
My hands have a mind of their own, pressing against his cheeks and forcing him to look at me. “You can always talk to me. I’m here to help you.”
“What happens when you have to go away at the end of the season?”
“What happens if I want to stay?”
26
Jax
“This is Caleb? He looks so…”
Elena lifts her brow, taunting me to finish my sentence.
“Pure,” I force out. During my back-and-forth exchanges with Caleb, he never sounded innocent. But one look at him has my preconceived notions going up in flames.
It blows my mind that a skinny guy wearing a bowtie, pastel shorts, and boat shoes is supposedly one of my biggest fans. Caleb’s bald head shines as he says goodbye to his cab driver.