Now, I look at my shaky hands with fear and hesitation. Not wanting to freak out during a random interview, I grab my bottle of pills from my race day bag. After last night’s episode in front of my friends, I need to be more careful with the amount I take at one time. But after yesterday’s call with my dad, I felt the urge to make everything in my head turn off for the night.
Good fucking work that did. Guilt already consumed me this morning after reading Liam’s text offering to listen if I needed someone to talk to. As appreciative as I am for Liam, I talk enough to Tom as it is.
I unscrew the cap and pour the pills out in my hand. My body stiffens at the sight of multiple folded pieces of purple paper mixed with the pills.
I pour the rest of the bottle’s contents on the coffee table of my suite. After staring at the square papers for a few moments, I pluck one from the group, curious about what it says. Delicate cursiv
e writing I recognize as Elena’s covers the paper.
Save a Xanax, buy a puppy. It’ll make you happier in the long run.
I don’t know why the ridiculous statement draws a laugh from me. Interested in seeing what else Elena wrote, I grab another.
If I swap your Xans for Tic-Tacs, would you notice?
I grab the rest, barely hiding my shit-eating grin as I unfold each one.
Hugs, not drugs. Seriously, this is your free hugs voucher.
If you skip the pills, I’ll offer you one activity of your choice.
One ‘get out of a gala free’ coupon if you skip the pill.
Pills are so 80s. You are way too cool to be doing something so out of style.
Free movie night on me, dinner included, if you throw the pill away.
One free lesson of Spanish dirty talk if you don’t take the pill.
I never expected something simple like this to put me at ease. Elena, not even present in the room, fills my chest with something warm.
Elena didn’t have to do this. She could’ve let me take my pills, as long as I’m on my best behavior. I thought that was all she cared about, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe her wanting to help me is more than a quick way to make money.
I place the pills and pieces of paper back in the bottle. Some switch inside of me flips as I save the one I want to use once the race is over.
I want to change. Not because McCoy wants me to or because everyone keeps judging me. I want to change because someone who has every reason to walk away refuses to leave my side.
And this is how I come to the realization that I need to save myself.
“This is what you want to use your activity on? Really?” Elena eyes the purple piece of paper she wrote. I start the engine of my McCoy Z-Wagon SUV and pull out of the hotel’s parking lot.
“Yup. Type in your address.” I hand her my phone.
Turns out saving myself includes facing some of my fears about Elena. The first step in my plan is to spend more time with her while actively trying harder to not be a dick. She deserves better from me after everything she helps me with.
“I won’t lie, I thought you’d choose a more fun thing to do on your day off before practice rounds tomorrow.”
“And miss out on seeing your exclusive snow globes? Never.” I keep my eyes forward, ignoring the pull I have to look at Elena.
Okay, I want to see snow globes and get Elena away from the F1 scene for an hour or two. I never pretended I wasn’t a selfish shit.
“I’m totally going to regret showing you these. I know it.” She hands me back my phone with her address typed in the GPS application.
I drive us to her small flat located on the outskirts of Monaco. The older apartment building looks much different than my lavish penthouse located by the coast.
“This is your flat?” I stare at the run-down building looking about one wind gust away from toppling over.
“Yes. I know it may not be what you’re used to, but not all of us can afford a high-rise apartment with personal valet service.”