“So, I made a mistake last night.”
“Like?” Sophie’s concerned voice adds to my guilt.
“I caved and called Elena after drinking.”
She lets out a deep sigh. “Okay, it’s not as bad as I thought. What did you say?”
“Things I shouldn’t have. I admitted how I feel.”
“I’m having trouble following you on why this is a bad thin
g. You told her you miss her?”
“Yes,” I hiss. “It’s not good because I don’t want to give her false hope. And now I’m worried if I should send her an apology text or pretend it never happened.”
“Why are you wanting to apologize for telling her the truth?”
I battle between telling Sophie the real reason I pushed Elena away or pretending I don’t need her help anymore. Desperation about hurting Elena again has me shelving my pride. “I haven’t been fully honest with you about why I ended it with Elena. It’s more complicated than you think.”
About as complicated as the wires in my brain telling me to chase after Elena despite everything up to this point.
“Give me a second,” Sophie mumbles into the phone. I listen intently to her footsteps as she opens a door again. “Liam, make sure my coffee has a shot of Baileys in it.”
“This early?” The phone’s microphone picks up his voice.
“Jax, do you think I need alcohol for this conversation?”
My confirmatory mumble has her following up with shooing Liam out the door of their hotel room.
“So, tell me what’s going on.”
After swearing Sophie to secrecy, I share everything that has happened up until this point. By the end of the conversation, she sobs into the phone, her sadness matching the way I feel.
“Why me? Why am I the first friend you told?”
“Because I’m desperate for a woman’s advice about how to go about apologizing for something careless.”
“But that’s not the advice I want to give you.” She sniffs.
“As much as I appreciate your advice, I can’t give Elena more than this. So please help me think of what to say,” I whisper, resigned about the situation.
“Okay, first you need to apologize for your drunk confessional.” Sophie rambles on, giving me a list of instructions.
After I type out what Sophie deems the most perfect message, I hit send without second-guessing myself.
Jax: Saying I’m sorry will never be good enough but I want to say it anyway. I’m sorry for calling you because I’m too weak to stay away from you for longer than two weeks. I’m sorry for earning your trust and ruining it with my decisions. I’m sorry for breaking your heart when you trusted me to protect you and it. I’m sorry for being selfish in the first place, hoping we would fall in love, only to rip it away when things got hard. And most of all, I’m sorry for not being the man you deserve, yet wishing I was anyway.
Sophie hangs up after she assures me she won’t tell Liam about my secret.
Minutes go by without a response. I attempt to busy myself with working out and watching pre-race footage, my uncertainty and concern growing as more time passes.
My phone beeps and I rush to pick it up, knocking over my laptop in the process. “Shit.”
The one person I didn’t expect a message from lights up my phone.
Elías: If you value your fingers, don’t text Elena again. Chinga tu madre, pendejo.
Realization I didn’t want to accept hits me, shredding any last hope that Elena will ever forgive me.