“Let me give you some advice. This thing with Sophie may happen once in your life. If you keep burying your shit deep inside of you, then you’ll have to deal with her leaving you in the end. For your own good, you need to let go of the negativity you have about your brother and Johanna. If you don’t, you’re going to be so stuck living in the past that you won’t be able to see your future. I watched how you and Sophie look at and act around each other. I sure don’t act like that around my friends. Your mother would hang me by the balls like a Christmas tree decoration if I did. So you need to ask yourself if you can deal with her walking away.”
“Who says she will?”
“You accept that contract with McCoy, and you might as well pay for her flight back home.”
“Ma told you?”
He tilts his head at me. “You bet she did.” Leave it to my mom to tell my dad about Rick’s deal. They’re tight like that, never having a secret between them.
I ignore the way my throat closes up. “I think they’ll agree to my exclusion of the Bandini clause. It’s ridiculous and archaic.”
“And if they don’t?”
“I don’t know…”
“Your mom’s supportive of your career and the decisions you make. But I think you’re a fucking idiot if you agree to a stupid term like that.”
My lungs burn at the thought of losing everything I’ve labored over for decades. Ever since I was a young kid, karting at three years old before moving up the Formula phases. It’s all I’ve known. Can I really risk my livelihood for another person, despite how she makes me feel, whether it’s lust or love?
* * *
Lukas shows up at the track at 10 a.m., ready to spend some bro time together. I’m not sure who was more shocked about the invitation, him or me. Since I keep my visits to Germany short, I rarely spend one-on-one time with him and his two little minions, Kaia and Elyse.
I ignore the sharp pain in my chest at the sight of them, happy and laughing while my brother chases them down the pit lane.
I hate to think I was wrong all this time, putting my brother in a category of widowed and depressed when he really was coping the best he could. In other words, I’m scared to admit I’ve been a shitty brother who distanced myself to save me from the pain of our past. Admitting I’m a coward doesn’t sit well with me.
Sophie’s words of wisdom bounce around my head, accompanied by self-doubt. Maybe she was right after all when she told me the only person losing from my lies is myself.
My nieces run around the garage, blonde ponytails bobbing while they pick up random tools. They don’t listen for shit. It reminds me of Lukas and myself, getting into trouble during our younger days.
“The sitter couldn’t come and help today so I don’t have anyone to watch the girls if we go out on the track.” He chases after his mini-monsters and wraps an arm around each of them, securing their tiny bodies to his side.
I planned for us to race two older F1 cars. Lukas loved karting when we were younger, and he remains an avid fan of my racing career despite my crappy evading techniques. A lack of a sitter throws a kink in my plan. The McCoy crew can’t watch two kids below the age of five because it’s a safety hazard and all.
I text the next best thing, knowing she’ll save my ass. A few minutes later, Sophie barrels into the pit garage, rocking a beers not tears shirt with ripped jeans and Nikes. Her blonde hair hangs loosely around her, layers framing her flushed face. Stunning without trying.
God, I need to get a handle on myself.
“I heard someone needs a babysitter.” She drops a huge bag on the garage floor. A few loose crayons and snacks roll out.
My brother glares at Sophie. “What qualifications do you have with kids?”
I run a palm down my face at my brother’s formalities because his touch with females is long gone. “Would it kill you to start with a ‘Hi, who are you?’”
Sophie takes his gruff attitude with grace. “Besides the fact that I’m cool and am two feet taller than them? Nothing. But I think the kids will love me.”
Her personality brings a grin to my face.
“Oh, and I brought snacks because I know bribes work well.” She flashes me a telling smile.
I laugh. Kaia eyes Sophie curiously while Elyse goes up to her and runs a chubby hand across the ripped holes in Sophie’s jeans.
“You have holes. Are you homeless? We take her home, Daddy?”
My eyes widen. Not hard to guess where Elyse gets her bluntness from.
Sophie lets out a cackle. “No, tiny human. It’s called fashion. And what about you?” Sophie kneels next to Kaia on the floor. Elyse follows behind, staring with wide eyes.