“Correct. Let’s order a drink first because we both can use one.”
We get situated and order our food right away at Maya’s persistence. I take her biting on her lip as a guilty yes that she wants to leave as soon as possible.
I sigh before speaking. “I had two months to get you out of my system. And trust me, I tried.”
She flinches at my words.
Fuck, come on. I suck at expressing myself. “Not like that. I mean, I had to sit with my own decisions.”
She relaxes in her chair. I take another deep breath, calming my nerves. Think before you speak.
“I thought it would get easier with time. But you avoided me, which sucked. I went from seeing you every day, and talking to you and spending time together, to nothing.”
“I wasn’t trying to ignore you.” Her eyes flick across the room.
I give her a pointed look.
“Okay, fine. I was trying to a teensy bit. I told you what I wanted, and you rejected me. I can’t expect you to change any more than I expect myself to. It’s not fair to either one of us.”
“Well, I have changed, and I want to try to give you what you want. Spending all that time alone, I realized I want what you want. To spend time with you before and after races, like going on dates, hanging out at events, being lazy in bed together after mind-blowing sex. Give me all the strings attached.” The thought of rejection makes my stomach drop.
Her eyebrows dart up. “How do I know you won’t back out the moment you get scared?”
I don’t blame her for being skeptical when I haven’t exactly proven myself yet. “You don’t. And I don’t either. But it’s what I can give you for now. The real question is are you willing to take it?”
She can back out at any moment. I can tell she thinks hard about it by the way she works her bottom lip between her teeth.
She looks down at her hands. “I guess we can give it a try. What changed your mind?” Something warm spreads through my chest, eating away at the uncertainty and nervousness from before. Her agreement is all I need.
I lift her chin up, craving eye contact. “I mean it when I say I spent a lot of time alone. I reflected on what was stopping me from trying this out with you. Our chemistry is—” her lips capture my attention—“explosive. But I also know there’s more. I like being around you, especially when you give me all your attention. I like when you film me without asking because you’re afraid of me saying no, even though you can get me to agree to anything. I love the way you laugh almost as much as the way you find your shoes interesting when you get nervous. I really like the special noises you save just for me when I kiss you, or the smiles you give me when no one is looking. I’m serious about trying it all with you. No holding back. I even met with someone to talk about my own issues and reservations, because when I do something, I go all in.” Clearly came down with a severe case of word vomit.
She looks as surprised as I feel about revealing my secret. And fuck, vulnerability scares me, but I can trust Maya. I need to t
rust her. For once in my life, I don’t view leaning on someone else as a negative.
“I’m proud of you. That’s a huge step.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. A buzz similar to sticking my finger in an electrical socket courses up my arm.
I nod, not wanting to break the moment by hashing out my parental issues. “I’ve missed being around you.”
“I have too. It’s not the easiest thing—avoiding you when all my fans are dying to hear and see more of you.” She shoots me a wink. “I had to fill the time with other interviews.”
My breath hitches at the easygoing smile on her face, finally getting the grin I’ve waited weeks for. She fills me with hope. It’s a new feeling, wanting someone to believe in me while desiring to prove myself worthy of her.
“We should give the subscribers what they want. I watch your videos.” My cheeks heat up at my admission. I chug wine before I continue, needing extra help tonight. “I may be partial, but I think I’m better clickbait than Jax or Liam.”
Her giggle fills the room. It’s the best thing I’ve heard all week, even better than winning second place.
And it hits me.
Shit.
25
Maya
We are doing this. Noah and me.
I never imagined he would come around. Days turned into weeks since the Baku disaster, and he didn’t make a move, except for the time in Italy.