“Please. It’s the least I can do.”
“It wasn’t your fault, you know.”
“Yes it was,” Lose said quietly.
Billy lit up when Toni walked in.
“Thank God. I thought they might not let you come.”
There she was. His Toni. His Helen of Troy. In a plain, knee-length shift dress in cream silk, teamed with low, kitten heels and a cashmere cardigan, she looked older than he remembered her. The outfit screamed rich (which she was) and demure (which she certainly wasn’t). But nothing could hide the raw sensuality of the body beneath.
Billy moved toward her, drawn like a magnet to a piece of metal, or a helpless moth to the moon. “Hi.”
Toni hugged him, squeezing tight as hot tears of guilt splashed onto his collar and trickled down his neck. “I’m so sorry, Billy.”
“For what?” Billy forced a smile, determined to be brave in front of her. “This was my decision, not yours. And if I had the time over, I’d do it again, in a heartbeat.”
“But Billy. Twenty years.”
“Fifteen,” he corrected her. “With parole.”
“But you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Neither did you.”
“Billy, come on. I did. You know I did. We both know. Nicholas was in my group.”
“It was an accident, Toni. An accident. Never forget that.” Inhaling the scent of her skin, mingled with some faint lemony perfume, he felt overwhelmed with need for her. Despite his show of bravado, he was frightened. Frightened of jail, of a future without her. Desperately he pulled her closer, kissing her passionately, forcing his tongue into her mouth like a starving chick looking for food.
Toni recoiled. His breath was sour with fear.
“Come on.” She tried to laugh it off. “This isn’t the time.”
“I think you’ll find it’s the only time we’ve got. They’ll be taking me away in a minute.”
“Do you know where?”
“The state prison, for the time being at least. It’s in Warren, wherever the fuck that is.” Billy laughed, but there was no joy in the sound. “My lawyer said he’s gonna try to get me moved. It’s a long way for my dad to come visit.”
“Sure.” Toni nodded lamely. If she were in jail rather than Billy, as she should be, would her dad even bother to come visit her? I doubt it. But she hadn’t come here to talk about their respective fathers. She had to tell Billy the truth. To break things off between them. Under the circumstances she didn’t know where to begin.
“Look, Billy,” she started nervously. “I owe you so much I really don’t know what to say.”
“How about yes?”
He was looking at her with those puppy-dog eyes again. As if this were a movie, or a play, and any minute now they were about to walk offstage and go back to reality. And Nicholas would be alive and Billy wouldn’t be going to prison and they would all live happily ever after.
Oh, Jesus. Toni’s heart sank. Is he getting down on one knee?
“Say you’ll marry me, Toni. Say you’ll wait.”
Toni opened her mouth to speak but he interrupted her.
“I know what you’re thinking. But it might not be fifteen years. Leslie’s gonna appeal. We might even get a mistrial.”
“On what grounds?”
“I don’t know.”