‘That’s true,’ he admitted. ‘But that was different.’
‘How?’
He closed his eyes and shook his head. It was hard having a rational conversation with someone whilst trying to restrain them from clawing out your eyeballs.
‘Because you’re different, Ella. Your gifts, what you bring to The Group, to our work. Your potential. That’s more important than anything else. I did feel bad, colluding in the lie about Athena killing your parents. And I did argue with Redmayne about it. So did Nikkos, and other people who knew. But you know what? We were wrong. We were wrong and the boss was right. Your anger for what you lost and your need for vengeance – those were your drivers, your most powerful emotions at the time of your recruitment. The Group has always worked by identifying people’s drivers and harnessing them.’
‘Manipulating them, you mean,’ hissed Ella. ‘You manipulated me, sucked me in, just like you did to my mother and father.’
‘We used your rage and anger and pain to perform a great good,’ Gabriel countered.
‘I didn’t perform a great good’ Ella sobbed. ‘I murdered somebody.’
‘Technically, perhaps. But killing Athena Petridis was justified, Ella. It was a collective goal for The Group. It was right. All the more so because it enabled your initiation. You’re one of us now.’
‘No.’ She shook her head again. ‘I’m not. I’m not one of you.’
‘Oh yes you are.’ His face moved closer. ‘You destroyed your enemy, you defeated evil, and it felt good. Admit it. You can blame me if you want to, Ella. Or Redmayne, or anybody else you want to. But the truth is, you felt that rush of power and you loved it, the same way we all love it. The Group is your calling. It’s your destiny, what you were born to do. And your powers are greater than any of ours. Your powers could change the world, Ella.’
When his lips first touched hers, Ella flinched. She didn’t want to change the world. She didn’t want to be part of a group that had trapped and terrorized her parents, lied to her, and – for all she knew – was still lying, however much ‘good’ they did in the world. But she did want him. She wished she didn’t, but there could be no denying it now. She wanted Gabriel. His mouth, his body, his scent. She wanted to know him. The real him, not just the avatar he became on missions.
‘Close your eyes,’ he whispered gruffly, sensing the change in her emotions, her body.
This time, Ella did as he asked, losing herself in the physical, the intoxicating feeling of his hands on her body, shedding her clothes like a snake slipping off its skin. There had been so much held back between them, so many lies, even in their closest moments. But this: his body around her, inside her, her hands in his hair pulling him closer, deeper. This was truth. This was reality. The past – her parents, Athena and the enormity of what she’d done – all fell away, overwhelmed by a present so blissful and powerful that there was no room for anything else. No doubts. No regrets. Even the white noise in her head, the signals that ran through her brain constantly like the background hum of a generator, had been pushed aside. All that was left was sweat and heat and pleasure, two animals pulled together by a life force stronger than either of them.
‘Ella!’
Her name rang out like an echo in the darkness, but she pushed that out too, putting a hand to his lips.
No words. Words aren’t the truth.
They made love for hours, more times than Ella could count. Afterwards, words began to come back to her. Questions, half formed through exhaustion, but urgent again, demanding to be heard like impatient children.
Did he know what had really happened to her parents? Or who the ‘M’ might have been that her father referred to in his letters, as her mother’s ‘dangerous’ lover? She couldn’t yet allow herself to hope that maybe, just maybe, her mother and father were still alive, still out there somewhere. But the possibility hovered in her subconscious like a shimmering cloud, its silver glow refusing to fade completely, despite the odds.
Gabriel stroked her hair, pulling her damp, spent body closer against his own.
‘I don’t know, Ella. All of that was long before my time.’
‘Is that the truth?’ she mumbled, sleep already overtaking her. ‘Or another lie?’
‘It’s the truth. I swear to you. No more lies.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
Closing his eyes, he inhaled the scent of her, hoping with all his heart that it was a promise he might be able to keep.
It was gray when Ella opened her eyes. Heavy, laden rainclouds hung over the London skyline and a film of drizzle coated the windows. Gabriel was already up and dressed, standing next to the opened curtains in chinos and an open-necked shirt, sipping a cup of coffee and staring at Ella lovingly. A wave of desire tore through her.
‘Sorry to wake you.’
She sat up, rubbing her eyes blearily. ‘What time is it?’
‘Early.’ Pouring a second cup of coffee for her, he brought it over to the bed. Sitting beside her he smelled of lemon verbena shower gel and toothpaste. Delicious. ‘I have to go,’ he whispered, setting the mug down on the bedside table. ‘My flight’s in an hour.’
Ella felt as if she’d been punched. ‘Flight? What flight? To where?’