“I won’t let you do this,” Harry said, striding to Adam.
Adam could only stare at him. Before he regained the ability to speak, Harry straddled his lap and pinned Adam’s shoulders to the back of the couch with his hands. Adam could have easily pushed him off. He was just too stunned to move.
“I refuse to believe you don’t feel anything for me anymore,” Harry said, looking in his eyes intently. “I know you still feel something. I felt it. I felt it during sex.”
Adam put on a blank face. “Sex is just sex. Don’t misunderstand it for something else. You told me to get over you. I have.”
Harry’s lip wobbled. “You’re lying. You’re just hurt that I lied to you. I didn’t want to. I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”
Jesus fucking Christ. Those eyes should have been outlawed. Of course they were inhuman.
“I don’t want your apologies,” he said coldly. He told himself it was the right thing to do. Harry had never loved him the way Adam loved him. Harry had come back only because of some biological imperative, for fuck’s sake. Harry had lied to him for ages and nothing would stop him from lying to him again. Harry could disappear anytime he wanted, whenever he didn’t need Adam’s cock. Their relationship had always been too skewed, with Adam always waiting for Harry to come back and stay. He had to cut his losses, no matter how much he wanted to wrap Harry in his arms, fill him up and swallow him whole, taste and mark and memorize every inch of him, hide him somewhere only he had access to, and breathe him in, always.
“I’m not lying,” Adam said, looking Harry in the eye and hoping Harry wasn’t reading his mind. “You told me to get over you. It’s been a year. I got over you. Numerous times. I’ve been with other people.” The fact that he felt guilty about it proved how fucked up he still was over Harry. He didn’t owe Harry anything. Harry had used him and ditched him for his family, and had the nerve to tell Adam to be happy in a goddamn letter. He owed Harry nothing.
Harry’s nostrils flared at Adam’s words, his hands tightening on Adam’s shoulders. “You didn’t love any of them,” he said, his voice thick and laden with possessiveness. “I’m your only babe. You told me so.” Harry’s voice broke a little and he stopped to take a deep breath. “I don’t believe that you don’t love me anymore. Please just tell me what made you upset. Maybe I can explain. I want to explain. I want to be with you.” Harry smiled shakily, looking at him with such longing and need in his eyes that Adam felt himself respond in more ways than one, against his better judgment.
Adam averted his gaze for a moment, trying to get control over his body and his emotions.
“What you feel for me isn’t love, Harry,” he said. “That’s my main problem.”
A look of confusion settled on Harry’s face. “What?”
“You returned not because you loved me,” Adam said flatly. “But because of some biological need I won’t pretend to understand. Yes, you needed me. You needed my body. Where’s the guarantee that you’ll stay this time for good? I’m tired, Haz. I’m tired of feeling like shit whenever you disappear.” He chuckled. “Now that I know you aren’t even from this planet, it’s way worse. If you disappear again, I can’t even follow you. No one would tell me if something happened. Living in constant doubt and fear isn’t fun.”
Harry’s hand traveled along Adam’s jaw, soft against his stubble, his fingers running through the hair at the back of his neck. “I understand. Do you think I’m not scared? I am. You’re a completely different species. I need you, but you don’t need me. I know you’re it for me, but you don’t. You might stop having feelings for me any moment.” Harry’s eyelashes lowered. “You have no idea what it’s like to need someone the way I need you.”
Adam laughed harshly and tipped Harry’s chin up, forcing him to look him in the eye. “No idea? I dreamed about your smile even after I convinced myself that I hated you. I fucked other men and hated them—and hated myself for imagining you in their stead every goddamn time. I couldn’t even go into your room for months without losing it. You might need me physically, but I want more. Needing isn’t enough. You’re here because of fucking biology. The truth is, if you didn’t literally need me, you wouldn’t have come back.”
Harry stared at him for a long time before a broken, bitter laugh left his throat. “I couldn’t, Adam,” he choked out. “Ksar wouldn’t have helped me if my life and sanity weren’t at stake.” Harry shook his head. “You misunderstood it. The mating for life thing the surl’kh’tu did? It wasn’t just biology. They weren’t some kind of mindless animals. They were very selective, and after choosing their partner, they courted them for a long time. The studies proved that they couldn’t even feel arousal if they didn’t have emotional intimacy with their partner—their sexuality was similar to human demisexuality. Only once the surl’kh’tu mated physically, the biological imperative kicked in.”