“I…” Nate ran a hand over his warm face. Although he was kind of mortified, the prevalent emotion he felt was relief. So Raffaele wasn’t actually fucking Jordan. “I really don’t have any influence over him. Look, you’re wrong. He isn’t here because of me.”
Jordan scoffed. “Please. I knew something was up when he transferred you here and gave you a salary three times higher than a junior level designer without much experience normally gets—”
“He did?” Nate said faintly, his brows drawing close. He’d been pleasantly surprised by the salary when he’d signed the contract, but he’d thought nothing of it.
“I don’t know what he wants, but give it to him,” Jordan said shortly, pushing his thin glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I’d suck his cock myself if it were what he wanted, but it clearly isn’t.”
Nate stared at him.
“I thought you were straight,” he said awkwardly.
Jordan snorted. “I am.”
Right. Because that totally made sense.
But Nate didn’t dare question him on that. Jordan was still his boss, no matter how candidly he was talking now. And the guy was still intimidating as hell, the look of his pale blue eyes more than a little unnerving.
“I’ll think about it,” Nate said instead, before turning and leaving.
He did think about it. It was all he thought about for the rest of the day, and during his drive home.
“What’s with the long face?” Maya said when she saw him.
Pacing the room, Nate told her everything: about Raffaele’s weird visits, his conversation with Jordan, the salary thing too.
When he was done talking, he found a resigned look on his sister’s face.
“What?” Nate said, stopping his pacing.
“What do you want, Nate?” she said quietly.
He frowned. “I don’t understand.”
Maya heaved a sigh. “You’ve been obsessed with that asshole for a year now. I was hoping you’d get over him when he actually did something decent and gave you the job you deserve, but you’ve been moping for months—”
“I haven’t been moping!”
“Please,” Maya said. “You put up a pretty good front and pretended that you were excited about the new job, but I know you. Your eyes were sad. Even Mom noticed that.”
“What? What did she say? I am excited about the job. And my eyes weren’t sad!”
Maya rolled her eyes. “They were—they have been for months. Mom asked me if you had a recent breakup. I said yes, because you know what? That’s actually pretty accurate. You broke up with the guy your life had revolved around for the better part of a year.”
Nate opened his mouth and then closed it without saying anything. There was nothing to say.
“You looked like you’d cry if I talked about him, so I left it alone, figuring that you’d get better after a while. And although you didn’t turn into a depressed wreck, it was as if…as if you were muted. I haven’t seen you this excited about anything in months. When a few days ago you got home looking animated again, I thought you were finally over him, but apparently it was the opposite and you just saw him again.” Maya shook her head with a crooked smile. “Look, I give up. You know I’ve never liked that guy, but if just seeing him can put that look into your eyes, I give up. An idiot in love is better than the sad-eyed zombie you’ve been.”
“I wasn’t—I’m not—”
“What, not in love with him?” Maya said, giving him a flat look.
Nate swallowed. “Maybe just a little infatuated,” he said in a small voice.
Maya let out an inelegant snort. “I think that ship sailed back when you were ranting to me about how much you hated him, well before you started sucking his cock. You were obsessed with him even back then. All you talked about was him.”
Fuck, she had a point.
Looking back, Nate couldn’t even tell when he had stopped hating Raffaele. The emotions Raffaele had caused in him had always been so intense that he hadn’t even noticed when his feelings shifted into something other than hatred. It was a gradual thing, so it was something he hadn’t been aware of until it was too late. Or maybe he’d just been in denial about it. Because the hurt, the heartache he felt when Raffaele had told him that he was being transferred to another department didn’t fit the word infatuation. He’d known that, but he’d pushed those thoughts away and suppressed the hell out of them. Because it was beyond stupid to fall in love with a man like Raffaele Ferrara.
In love. Love.
Shit.
Nate sat down heavily on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. “Fuck.”
Maya sighed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Chin up. It’s not the end of the world.”
“You don’t understand,” he said with a humorless laugh. “Raffaele doesn’t do relationships. Ever. He’s the worst person I could fall in love with. All he wants is meaningless sex.”