Tyler felt as though someone had deposited a ton of lead in his stomach.
Suddenly, he wanted Nick. Badly.
He wanted to hear his voice. Now.
Tyler headed for the back door.
Once outside, he breathed in the fresh air greedily, but it did nothing to quell the panic building in his chest.
He pulled out his mobile.
Nick answered on the second ring. “Tyler?”
Tyler closed his eyes, leaning back against the door. He didn’t know when Nick’s low voice had started making feel warm and giddy on the inside. Just hearing it made him feel instantly better. Safer. “Hey. Are you still at Zach’s?”
“Yeah. Why?”
Tyler chewed on his lip, unsure who he was talking to: his best mate Nick or his assholish lover Nick. The worst part was, Tyler wasn’t sure which of them he wanted now. He wanted his best mate’s easy acceptance and affection, but he also wanted…other things. Fuck, he was such a mess.
“I need you,” Tyler said, and then promptly flushed. “I mean I need to see you.”
There was silence on the line.
Finally, Nick said, “You saw me a few hours ago,” he said. He sounded guarded. “Did something happen?”
Tyler bit the tip of his tongue. “What if I said that I just wanted to see you?” he said. “No reason at all?”
There was another silence before he heard Nick swear.
“What are you doing, Tyler?” Nick said.
Did he sound angry?
Tyler ran a hand through his hair, his stomach in knots. “I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice small. “I’m sorry—I just…” He forced a chuckle. “Forget it. It’s stupid. I’m being stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking—”
“Ty,” Nick said. “Are you at the pub?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll be there in half an hour,” Nick said and hung up.
Tyler didn’t bother going inside, even though it was chilly outside. He waited, leaning back against the cold wall and thinking about what he was going to say to Nick.
He had no idea. Should he try to play it cool and act like buddies? But something inside him cringed away from the idea. He didn’t want a buddy right now. He wanted…he wanted reassurance that he wasn’t alone in this, that it wasn’t just him. Nick was so hard to read. Tyler didn’t know what was going on in his mind. Did he still see Tyler as his mate? Tyler wasn’t sure.
Fuck, the mere fact that he was so nervous about whether Nick liked him that way or not was weirding him out. This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. They were men, not little girls. Why did he have to make things so cringey? Why couldn’t he be satisfied with getting off without needlessly complicating everything? Was he going to want to hold hands with Nick next?
Tyler imagined Nick’s long, strong fingers entwining with his, and felt stupidly warm at the idea. Bloody hell. He was a man. Men weren’t supposed to want things like that, and definitely not with other men.
I know it’s scary, I know it’s hard to accept what you are, but do it before it’s too late. He won’t wait for you forever while you figure yourself out.
He couldn’t get Zoe’s words out of his mind. Frankly, they scared him. Although Nick had told him to ignore Tristan’s words and not to feel pressured into doing what he wasn’t ready for, Zoe’s story made him feel panicky and unsure all over again.
Was he in denial?
Was he being a coward?
Tyler thought about this morning—how good it had felt to wake up snuggled against Nick, with Nick’s fingers threading through his hair, Nick’s scent in his nose and all that warm, naked skin against his. It had felt beyond good. He had felt…happy. So bloody happy. He’d felt like he belonged. He wanted that, more than anything. Tyler wanted him.
Tyler pulled out his phone again and stared at his contacts.
He couldn’t find his mother in his recent calls. How long had it been since he had last talked to her?
Finally, he found her contact and tapped Call.
The phone rang four times before she answered.
“Mum?” he croaked out.
“What is it, dear?” she said, sounding distracted.
“I…”
“Is it urgent, Tyler? I’m rather busy now.”
Tyler licked his dry lips. “I think I might be bi.”
There was dead silence on the line.
“Pardon?” she said at last.
“I think I’m bisexual,” he said and looked down at his shoes while he waited for her reaction. It was strange. Saying it aloud felt a lot less daunting than he’d expected. He felt…almost relieved. It was done. Even if she hated him now, there was nothing to fear anymore. It was done.
“Tyler, I have no time for your silly jokes,” she said tersely. “When are you going to finally grow up?”
Tyler blinked, absolutely speechless. She knew he wasn’t joking. She had to, right? Why was she pretending that he was?
“I’m serious, Mum,” he tried, but she cut him off.