“Oh, fuck you,” he said with a smile, glancing over Nick’s nice button-down and trousers. He wanted to rib Nick for being overdressed, but to be totally honest, Nick didn’t look much different from the other guests. If anything, Tyler seemed to be the one who stood out in his tatty t-shirt and jeans. He was the one guy who didn’t look like the others.
Tyler’s smile faded. He crossed his arms over his chest, fighting the sudden self-consciousness.
“What is it?” Nick said, eyeing him with a slight frown.
Tyler had to admit it was kind of nice to have Nick’s concerned gaze on him, proof that he still cared. Tyler was man enough to admit that he’d been scared. He’d been scared that they weren’t really friends anymore, that Nick had stopped giving a damn. It was reassuring to know that he still did.
But it was also weirding him out that Nick could act so normal, so nonchalant and friendly, as if he wasn’t the same hard-eyed man who pushed him around, fucked him, and whispered horrible, humiliating things into his ear as he took Tyler apart.
It was giving Tyler a whiplash. Either Nick was faking it now, or…What was the alternative? Tyler didn’t know.
Which version of Nick was real?
“I feel like a loser,” Tyler said when he realized that Nick was still waiting for an answer. He regretted it as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He hadn’t intended to admit it, even though it wasn’t as embarrassing as the other thing that had been bothering him.
Nick snorted. “I’m glad you’ve finally realized it.”
Tyler averted his gaze.
“Wait, are you serious?” Nick said. His tone momentarily lost its lightness.
Tyler shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “I just…Look at them, Nick. Look at you. I feel like I’m the only one here who isn’t doing something productive with my life. Like, they all have become successful people or at least figured out what to do with their lives while I’m just…”
“You’re what?” Nick said. “You’re managing your granddad’s pub and doing well enough. Cut yourself some slack Jesus. Not everyone is supposed to be the CEO of a large company. It isn’t a cock-measuring contest. You don’t owe anyone anything as long as you’re happy with your life.”
Tyler made a face.
“Tyler, look at me.”
He did, reluctantly.
“Just because you didn’t go to uni or have a big-shot job, it doesn’t make you any lesser than them, okay?” Nick said, looking him in the eye with the kind of intensity that was hard to look away from.
Tyler nodded with a crooked smile. “Okay.”
Nick gave him a probing look and, after a moment, gestured toward the group of people across the room. “Let’s go talk to Robin. He’s been trying to get our attention.”
Tyler followed Nick to their old classmate, moving closer to Nick as they approached the group Robin was in. He just…He wasn’t exactly shy by any stretch of the imagination, but he felt a bit more like he belonged if Nick was by his side. Or rather, he felt safe when he was by Nick’s side, and Nick had the kind of presence that caught the eye without intending to: an upright stance, a high-held head, the casual confidence. Nick looked like he belonged everywhere, and when he was with Nick, Tyler didn’t feel as though he was a fraud pretending to be an adult at gatherings like this.
After an hour, little by little, Tyler started relaxing as the other guests started loosening up and acting more like the boys and girls he remembered. But he hadn’t realized that he was following Nick around like a puppy until Erica pointed it out.
“I see you guys are still as sickening as back in school,” she joked, grinning. “More so, actually.”
Tyler kind of froze, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. Only after telling himself that she couldn’t possibly know that he and Nick were shagging, he forced himself to smile. “I can’t get rid of him, no matter how hard I try,” he said with an exaggerated sigh.
She chuckled. “I think it’s nice,” she said, looking a little wistful. “I wish I kept in touch with my school friends.”
Tyler made a commiserating noise, all the while trying not to worry. Did it look weird that he kept sticking so close to Nick? Was he being clingy?
He looked around and only now noticed that the only people who moved around in pairs were couples. Fuck.
Tyler mumbled something and walked away from Nick, determined to stop behaving like a clingy girlfriend and start behaving like an independent adult.
He lasted fifteen minutes.
Being an independent adult was unexpectedly hard. He was acutely aware of the distance between him and Nick at all times, as if they were bound by invisible ropes.
Ugh. Seriously, what the fuck? Tyler didn’t get it. It had never been this bad. Contrary to popular belief, he and Nick had never been attached at the hip. He’d never felt so damn…needy before. It was awful. And it was starting to freak him out. Tyler had a sneaking suspicion that all the gay stuff Nick had forced on him lately was to blame for this shit. Nick hadn’t touched him tonight at all and it must be throwing him off, making him too aware of Nick.