Licking his lips, Sebastian took a leap of faith.
“Then be more,” he whispered with a smile.
Vlad’s blue eyes smiled.
Epilogue
Eight months later
The wedding day of Tristan DuVal and Zach Hardaway dawned bright and beautiful, the sunlight filtering through half-closed curtains and waking Sebastian.
Yawning, Sebastian turned to his other side and felt his breath catch.
The early morning sun had set Vlad’s blond hair ablaze in golden light. His lax mouth was parted as he breathed evenly, his wide chest rising and falling rhythmically. Altogether, he looked warm, solid, a picture of virility and masculinity.
Sebastian rested his head gently against his own pillow and simply watched him. He wanted to snuggle up against Vlad’s warm body, to inhale the scent of his sun-kissed skin. But for now, he merely watched, feeling like he’d never tire of it.
I love you.
The thought didn’t make him panic. The thought felt right and comfortable. After months together, he was used to these random waves of love that stole his breath away.
Being in love felt surprisingly wonderful. Sometimes it was still scary, but Sebastian found himself smiling more often, feeling more positive and happy in general and when Vlad was around in particular.
It wasn’t always sunshine and roses, though.
Sometimes there were bad days, when Vlad became closed off and tense. On days like that, he tended to avoid Sebastian, but he usually ended up at Sebastian’s place anyway.
“Sorry,” Vlad would say gruffly, nuzzling Sebastian’s cheek, his neck, breathing in deeply, as if trying to take him under his skin.
At first Sebastian had thought he was apologizing for his shitty mood, but before long, he realized Vlad was apologizing for needing him anyway when he was in such a mood, which was...it kind of melted Sebastian’s heart.
“It’s okay, you know,” Sebastian had said one such evening months ago. He was snuggled up to Vlad, Vlad’s arms wound tight around him. Although Vlad was the one holding him, neither of them was delusional about who needed it more at the moment.
He looked at Vlad. “I know I said I didn’t want to deal with gay freak-outs, but that was before.” Before I let you in. Before you became mine. “You can talk to me. I want you to. Only if you want to, of course.”
Vlad just looked at him for a while.
“I...” Vlad grimaced, closing his eyes for a moment. “It’s like there’s this annoying snide voice in my head that keeps telling me how wrong and sick being with a man is. It’s quiet most of the time now, but sometimes it fucks with my head, you know?”
Sebastian nodded, chewing on his lip thoughtfully as he traced lines on Vlad’s arm with his finger. “What can I do to help?”
“You’re already helping,” Vlad said. “It goes very quiet when I look at you.”
Sebastian cleared his suddenly tight throat and smiled. “And why is that?” he said teasingly. Yup, he was fishing for compliments; sue him.
“Smugness isn’t attractive, you know,” Vlad said. But the fascinated, intense expression on his face said otherwise. “You know why, you smug little shit.”
Sebastian grinned, feeling warm, pleased, and so gone, God.
“You love it,” he said, smirking. “You secretly love everything about me, despite all your grumpy bitchiness.”
“I’m not grumpy,” Vlad said grumpily.
Sebastian lifted a hand and patted him on the cheek. “It’s okay. You can be grumpy. I can smile for both of us.”
Vlad kissed him.
By the time Vlad pulled back, Sebastian was a little breathless, his mind blissfully empty as he murmured, “I love you, you know.”
It had been the first time he told the words to Vlad.
They both kind of froze, staring at each other. But if Sebastian was a little surprised by his own declaration, Vlad looked absolutely floored, as if someone had pulled the ground from under him.
“You can’t love me,” he said at last, his Adam’s apple moving.
Sebastian smacked Vlad on the head. “What is that supposed to mean? I can love whoever I want, even a grumpy bear like you. You can’t tell me whether I love you or not.”
Vlad blinked rapidly and turned his face away, presenting Sebastian with his profile. It was a lovely profile, with a jaw to die for, but Sebastian wasn’t exactly content looking at it after declaring his feelings—something he hadn’t done since Mike.
The longer the silence lasted, the more self-conscious he felt. He tried to free himself from Vlad’s arms, but Vlad didn’t let go.
Finally, Vlad looked at him. “You can do so much better than me,” he said, his voice like gravel. “You can find someone nice. Someone who has himself figured out. Someone who’ll never hurt you.”
Sebastian bit his lip. “It’s okay if you can’t say the words now. I don’t want you to say what you don’t mean. But I need to know if you have, like, feelings for me. That I’m not just a pretty thing you like to fuck. That would be enough for now.” He breathed out. There. He’d said that. He hoped Vlad understood and appreciated how hard it was for him to make the first step, to put himself into such a vulnerable position.