“I guess,” James said, but he wasn’t convinced. Luke was the most positive, optimistic person he had ever known. Being locked up for two months shouldn’t have affected him in such a way—if that was really all that had happened, as Luke claimed.
“I want to try talking to him again,” James said.
Ryan studied him before nodding. “If it’ll make you feel better,” he said, kissing the corner of Jamie’s mouth, then the other one. “It’s not your fault, Jamie bear. You know that, right?”
James buried his face in the crook of Ryan’s neck, nuzzling into him. “Yeah,” he said, without much conviction. Logically, he knew it was unlikely he could have prevented Luke’s kidnapping, but there was a part of him that kept wondering what would have happened if he had dragged his ass out of bed and insisted on accompanying Luke to Saint Petersburg. If he had been in the right state of mind, he would have done that. But he had felt so shitty without Ryan that he hadn’t cared enough. He should have been a better friend. He and Luke had always had each other’s back. They had very few secrets from each other—normally. That was why the fact that Luke didn’t open up about his time in captivity worried him. Luke wasn’t the type to brood in silence. He wasn’t the type to brood, full stop.
“I’ll talk to him now,” James said, untangling his limbs from Ryan’s.
Luke looked at him inquiringly when James sat down next to him. “All right?” he said, glancing at Ryan.
James let out a laugh. “We’re not always attached at the hip, you know.”
Luke snorted. “Could’ve fooled me. The two of you were bad enough before, but you’re completely disgusting now that you’re exchanging bodily fluids. You’re like conjoined twins who fuck each other silly. Ugh.”
Rolling his eyes, James elbowed him. “You’re just jealous, mate.”
“I am.” Luke smiled wistfully. “You know I’ve always wanted to have what you and Ryan do.”
“You will,” James said with certainty, clasping Luke’s shoulder. He didn’t know a more lovable person than Luke. He was so easy to love and so ready to give love. “Someday, you’ll meet a nice guy who will love you to bits and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
Shaking his head, Luke averted his gaze. “I don’t want it someday,” he said. “I want it now. I need it now, Jim.”
James frowned, hearing the odd note of desperation in Luke’s voice. He wondered whether the last few months were to blame for that; maybe recent events had brought it home that life was short. James wasn’t entirely sure it was healthy to jump into any sort of relationship so soon after a traumatic experience, but maybe that was exactly what Luke needed.
“You wanna go out tonight?” James said. “We could go to that club you like. Lots of hot blokes there.”
Luke licked his lips and nodded, his fringe falling into his eyes.
James smiled. He knew Luke hated his curly hair because he thought it made him look younger, but personally, James always thought his curls were ridiculously cute and endearing.
He pulled on a curl playfully. “I almost forgot how curly you are, Curly.”
And Luke just…froze.
“Mate?” James said, confused.
Luke’s hand shot up to his hair. He smoothed it back self-consciously, unease flickering through his brown eyes. “Yeah,” he said with a small laugh. “I guess I forgot it, too. I’ll fix it.” He got to his feet, looking vaguely discomfited. “I’ll pick the two of you up in a few hours, yeah?”
James’s brows furrowed. “You sure you want to go out tonight?”
“Yeah, totally.” Luke flashed him a smile. “I’m fine. Later, mate.” And then he was gone—in the middle of the football match they had been watching, without even saying goodbye to Ryan. Yeah, Luke was totally fine.
Later that night, as he watched Luke nurse his drink and turn down all the guys trying to strike up a conversation with him, James’s concern only grew stronger. It wasn’t as though Luke seemed completely uninterested in meeting someone: he made some effort, but he didn’t seem to be able to muster up much enthusiasm no matter how attractive the guy was. It was like there was an invisible barrier between Luke and those men, and that was starting to freak James out. Luke was so detached. Luke had always been anything but. He was a sociable, affectionate person, easy to talk to, easy to strike up friendships.
“Check out the guy at the bar,” James tried again with a sigh, nodding toward the man in a suit. “He’s been staring at you for a while.” He didn’t have much hope for that one. The guy was quite a bit older than them, closer to thirty than twenty. He looked out of place in a club like that.