Sometimes she couldn’t help wondering if Gabriel regretted the direction his life had taken. And in her weakest moments, the same thought sneaked up on her. God, she was probably the worst mother in the world.
Sighing, Gabriel sat down next to her. Their shoulders brushed. Neither of them looked at the other.
“I,” Gabriel said after a while. His tone was strange. “I need to tell you something. Jared…he’s in love with me.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. So Jared was really in love with Gabriel. All things considered, it wasn’t as big of a surprise as it could have been. The thought had certainly crossed her mind before. Sometimes, when she’d watched them together, she had wondered. Jared had always been ridiculously indulgent with Gabriel. He put up with Gabe’s difficult personality with ease, accepting him for what he was—something even she struggled with.
“Is that why he left?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Okay,” she said tonelessly. “Why are you telling me that now?”
Gabriel couldn’t seem to be able to keep his hands still. “I talked him into coming back. I promised that I’d try to make him happy.”
Claire turned her head and stared at him. “How can you even…You’re straight—you have a family!”
Gabriel looked away. “So what?”
She blinked. “So what?”
His jaw set into a stubborn line. “It doesn’t mean I can’t make him happy. I can, or at least I’ll try my damnedest. I’ll do anything to make him happy.”
Claire opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She was completely, utterly speechless.
“Anything?” she said, raising her voice. “Anything?”
“The baby,” Gabriel said, glancing at the crib.
She lowered her voice. “Are you out of your mind? You can’t just…” She let out a short laugh. “Seriously? Are you going to sleep with him to make him happy?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, awkwardly.
“Then what are you going to do? What?” She scoffed. “If he’s in love with you, he won’t want to just hold your hand.”
Licking his lips, Gabriel muttered, “I know that. That’s why I’m talking to you.”
Her stomach clenched. “What?”
“I’m obviously not gonna have sex with a man, but I want to try to give him a normal relationship, more or less.”
She could only stare at him.
He smiled, looking at the phone in his hand. “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy.”
“You are crazy,” Claire said. “It would never work.”
“It would. It will.”
Claire rubbed her temples. God, he was giving her a headache. At moments like this, she couldn’t help questioning why they were still together. It felt like they were speaking different languages. “All right, let me get it straight: you promised the man who’s in love with you to make him happy, even though you have a family and you’re straight. Fine, I’m not going to ask how you’re going to accomplish that, but what about me and Jules?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Gabriel looked genuinely confused. “Nothing would change for you. You’re my family. Jared is…” He trailed off.
What?
The word got stuck in her throat. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know his answer. What was said couldn’t be unsaid.
A coward. Maybe she was a coward.
“Look…” Gabriel took her hand. “I know this must be weird for you, but you have no reason to feel threatened—or jealous.”
Claire laughed out loud.
“What?” He looked adorably bewildered.
“Gabe, I felt jealous and threatened from the very first day I met Jared. So you’re right that nothing would change for me.” She shook her head with a smile. Fuck it, she was sick and tired of being a coward. “Actually, no—something did change. I no longer have any delusions that I’ll ever come first for you. Jared might be across the ocean, but he’s still here, between us, just like he’d never left. Admit it: Who would you choose if you had to choose?”
An emotion flickered across his face. “You’re my family. I’d never leave my son.”
His answer hurt. “That’s not what I asked.”
Gabriel swallowed and looked away.
She freed her hand from his grasp, bitter regret filling her throat. “As I thought.”
He touched her shoulder. “Claire—”
“Don’t,” she said. “Just don’t.”
“I—I love you.” He didn’t sound all that certain.
She wasn’t sure she believed him. Had he ever loved her? Or was it just the infatuation of an eighteen-year-old? They had been so young. Hell, they were still young—just twenty-one—but she felt old.
“But you need him,” she said. “Not me.”
His silence spoke volumes, and Claire shook her head, feeling tired to her bones. “I don’t have any choice, do I? You’re not asking for my permission. You’re informing me.”
“I’m not forcing you to accept this,” he said, his voice clipped. “There’s always a choice.”
She lifted her gaze again to meet his. “Yeah, there is.”
But some choices were too scary. She didn’t think she was ready to make them—yet.
“I need to think,” she said. “I’m not sure if I can do this—if I want to do this. But we have a son. We can’t make rash decisions or…” Her voice thickened and she had to swallow the lump in her throat. When had everything gone so wrong?