CROSS
STANDING UNDERNEATH the black sky, I watch the smoke pour out of where the stained-glass windows were only minutes ago. You can still hear the ones in the back of the church shatter as the fire gets to them.
The flames lick the walls and heat the cold night.
I can hear his lingering screams. His words. I still feel his hands on my back, holding me down. I thought burning it to the ground would take away the pain. The memories. But it’s not helping. Instead, it makes it all more real. Years I’ve prayed he would die. God never listened. So, I did it myself. I did his job, erased another evil person from this world.
A new king is born. And I understand what must be done.
I hear sirens in the distance, and I turn to walk away, when I see him standing there. His once black hair is now smoke and what was ashen skin, now burns red, yellow, and orange like a sunset.
“You will burn in hell for what you’ve done.” He growls.
I give him a smile as I flip the Zippo that my mother gave me for my birthday open and closed, my other hand holding the cross. “You’ve been burning me for years; you think I’m afraid of the devil?” I shake my head. “I am hell.”
“There were so many different stories by the following morning. Not one was true. They thought he was missing for a while because there was nothing left of him. Then the rumor was suicide.” I shrug. “Someone had said they saw us enter together, but I came out alone. It didn’t matter what the story was. He was dead, and they had nothing to pin on me. My mother left the next day. Said she couldn’t forgive me for what I did to my father. That I’d be a constant reminder of what she lost.” I look at her, and she’s crying.
I could tell that story a million times and not feel a damn thing. But that’s who I am. How I was raised. I forget that not everyone is as cold as I am. “I’m sorry.” I wipe away the tears. “I shouldn’t have told you.” I wanted to open up to her. The fact that she even admitted she googled me made me excited. This is what I wanted. Her interested in my life. My demons. I’m a horrible person for even wanting to share them with her. Those aren’t her burdens to carry.
She leans forward, wrapping her arms around my chest. Her wet face touching my bare skin. “Thank you,” she whispers. “For telling me.” Pulling away, she sniffs. “I’m so sorry, Cross.”
“I’m sorry too,” I say.
She gives a rough laugh and starts wiping her face clear of tears. “For what?”
“Derek,” I say, and she looks up at me, her laughter fading. “For making Bones drag you out of your house. For … everything that I’ve done wrong since I met you.” And for all I’ll do wrong in the future.
She cups my face and I lean into her soft hand. “I love you, Cross. Nothing you could do will change that.”
“You love me?” I smile, lightening the mood. I don’t want to see her cry. Those three words light that fire in me that I need to survive. “After all that, you still find a place in your heart to love me?” How could she be so perfect? What did I ever do to deserve her? Maybe I paid for enough sins.
She laughs, shoving my chest, and I grab her arm, pulling her to me. She climbs on top of me, straddling my hips, pressing my back into the headboard. I kiss her. My hands tangle in her hair while hers are on my face.
She all of a sudden pulls away, panting. My eyes fall to her wet lips. “I want you to be honest with me.”
“Anything.” I’ll tell her whatever she wants to know.
I lift my eyes to hers, and they look sad. I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her tighter. “What is it?” I ask the loaded question. After what I just told her, I didn’t expect our talk to be over.
“I … I don’t want to not share things with each other.” She sighs, running the tip of her nails across my Kingdom tattoo on my chest. “I can handle it. Whatever it is, Cross.”
She’s referring to Grave and April, and all the secrets they’ve kept from one another. “I promise.”
My phone beeps, and she starts to get up off my lap. “It can wait,” I say, holding on tighter.
“Look at it. I have to use the restroom anyway.” She kisses my lips and gets out of my bed.
I smile, picking up my cell. I feel … lighter. Like a weight has been lifted. This is how I wanted to feel after I burned the church, and it never came.