“Do you need money? I can send you whatever you need.”
“No. I’m good, but I love you for asking. For the fact that you want to take care of me. Jet needs the help, and I thought it might be nice to grow my savings for when I’m in school in case I need to cut back.”
“I told you I would help with that.”
“I know you did.”
She doesn’t say anything else, but she doesn’t need to. I already know she’s going to be stubborn and try to do this on her own. Soon she’ll realize that she’s not alone anymore, and she never will be. Not as long as I have breath in my lungs. I don’t push her. Instead, I change the subject. “How are things with your mom?”
She sighs. “Good, I think. I’ve been working more hours, but the apartment is clean, and her eyes are clear. I don’t see any kind of track marks, and she’s been going out every day applying for jobs.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah,” she agrees. “Maybe this time will be the time. Maybe she’s finally getting clean for good.”
I want to tell her not to get her hopes up, but I hear it in her voice. She’s the same little girl who wanted nothing but her mother’s love. I have a feeling that if this goes south, it’s going to crush her. I also know my girl, and this will be the final straw for her mother ever getting a chance to be a part of her life.
“Sorry I was so needy earlier. I just needed to hear for myself that you were okay.”
“I’m fine. Everything is good. Well, as good as it can be without you here with me.”
“Damn, Shay. There’s an ache in the center of my chest that never seems to go away.”
“The stars are bright tonight.”
“They are,” I say, looking up. We’re both quiet for the longest time, happy to just listen to the other breathe. “Hey, Shayne?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever thought about what you want your wedding to be like?”
“Sure. Don’t all girls think about finding the love of their life and changing their last name? Why?”
“You should probably start thinking about the details, not just the day in general.”
“You think so?” she asks. I can hear the smile in her voice.
“I know so.”
“Ford Gregory, are you asking me to marry you?”
“No. I’m not asking you, but I will. Right now, though, I’m telling you that it’s going to happen, and I want it to be exactly as you want it to be. So, start thinking, making lists, cutting out magazines, whatever it is you need to do. I want it to be a day you will never forget.”
“It will be because it will be you.”
“Damn right,” I say, feeling myself start to get choked up. “I never knew I could love this deep or this hard.”
“You taught me that.”
Her words are like a vise squeezing my heart. “I’ll show you too. Every day. I promise you that.”
“I’m holding you to that,” she says over a yawn.
“Get some rest, beautiful. Call me tomorrow?”
“Definitely. I picked up a shift, but just for a few hours in the afternoon. Sweet dreams, Ford.”
“Sweet dreams, beautiful.”
Ending the call, I take a few minutes to force the smile from my lips. If there’s even a slight chance the guys are awake, and I come in smiling like a love-sick fool, they’ll never let me live it down. Once a little of the euphoria from our call drifts off into the night, I head back to my room. Everyone is still asleep. Placing my phone on the charger, I crawl back into bed, and I don’t need a mirror to know I drift off to sleep with a smile on my face.
Dear Shayne,
It’s been too damn long since I’ve held you in my arms. I knew this would be hard. I knew being away from you was going to suck, but I didn’t understand how much.
I miss you.
Every second of every damn day, I miss you. The guys are telling me I’m whipped, and maybe I am. I’d like to think it’s not being whipped, but that the love I have for you is so deep, so raw, and so real that it consumes me. I’m okay with that, in case you’re wondering. I want to be consumed by you.
I want to hold you.
I want to kiss you.
I want to fall asleep next to you.
I want to feel your skin next to mine.
I want to taste your lips.
I want you.
Forty-five more weeks.
We’ve got this. Some days are harder than others, but I know we’ll make it through. Tonight, well, tonight, as I glance up at the stars, I’m missing you even more than usual. In fact, I just saw a falling star, something I rarely ever see. I hope that you were looking up and caught it as well. I hope that beneath the fallen stars, you’re thinking of me.