“I don’t know what all this,“ she says, spreading her arms and spinning around, “is supposed to do, but it fixes nothing. I am still pissed, and I don’t know what to do with this.” She yells at me.
“I’m sorry, Teresita. I just need a little more time and I promise I am going to fix it.” I tell her walking toward her. She moves back from me and heads to the stairs. She stops at the bottom and looks at me over her shoulder.
“The last time you said those words to me, I didn’t see you for three months.” With a stab in my gut, as she slices through my carotid artery, the guilt of losing her in the first place is still raw and alive, I fall to the step, in pain and lost. How the hell did I get here?
Chapter Twelve
Teresa
I take the stairs two at a time and burst into our bedroom like a deranged woman. I have never been so upset in my life. It’s like he doesn’t know me at all. I don’t need things like that. It’s just like that man to go way over the top, thinking that will make everything better, but it doesn’t. Not in the least. I put my pajamas on and pace in front of the bed. I pull my fingers through my hair out of sheer frustration. Eventually, he joins me in the bedroom.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, raising a sexy eyebrow at me. I quickly look away from him. If I look at him, I won’t be able to do this. God, why did you make him so irresistible? Be strong, I chant in my head, over and over.
“I have things that I need to say, and I need to be able to say them without this being about sex or punishment of anything else I might like at a different time. In fact, I need to say it and I need you not to say anything. Can you do that?” I ask, hands on my hips. This is so not like me, but I am about to know what I need to do.
I watch as his face falls and he moves across the room to sit in the chair in the corner. He puts his elbows on his knees and looks about as resigned as I am to have this conversation. We need this conversation. I don’t see any way we can move forward without it.
“Fine, say what you gotta say,” he says gruffly. I hate that voice, but I have to do this.
“I feel like a criminal in my own home. I feel guilty when I should be enjoying being a newlywed and nesting, enjoying my pregnancy, but instead I am a giant secret from your brother. The rest of the fucking town knows we’re married but he doesn’t. How do you think he’ll feel when he finds out from someone else? When he doesn’t hear it from you, it’ll be the last straw, I just know it. You have to know that, D. I am not happy about being a secret. I only dealt in secrets at home, and I hated that life. When I met you, I knew I had to get away from it. You showed me what my life could be like and that would have never happened there. I was trapped and you’ve freed me more than once now, but I can’t do this. You need to fix things with your brother,” I say, or rather yell at him. “You have to fix this. If not for me, then for our children.”
He just stares at me and doesn’t say anything, so I go into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I rest against the door and take a deep, shuddering breath. Only here do I let the tears fall. Instantly, I feel better knowing that I’ve gotten that all of my chest. I’ve been so hormonal lately, but honestly this was long overdue. I can’t live this way and I refuse to. I love him more than life itself and I don’t want Diezal to resent me in the years to come, which I know he will. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I go back out into the bedroom. He isn’t in the chair anymore. It’s probably for the best.
I crawl into bed and turn the bedside light off. In the darkness, I stare at the ceiling. I’m exhausted, but sleep eludes me. A little while later, I see the door open and Diezal come into the room. He goes into the bathroom and when he comes back out, he’s just in his boxers. While sex is the farthest thing from my mind right now. He climbs into bed behind me and pulls me closer to him, his arm going around my waist, his head nestled by shoulder. I hear and feel him breathe in, and I relax. Despite being upset with him and the situation he put us in, I need him to sleep. I’ve gotten used to his heat, his scent. He’s my comfort zone and I’m falling asleep before I know it.