“Clarissa, it’s not a gang!” Skull shouted back at her.
“Then what the hell is it, Skull? Because I like you way too much and I refuse to get in any deeper if that’s the life you want! So if it is just get the hell out and don’t come back!” Clarissa yelled.
“That’s the problem with all of you women!” Skull shouted, “You don’t listen! None of you! You only hear what you want to hear and then you go around interrupting and analyzing everything without ever knowing the damn truth!”
“I wouldn’t have to try to interrupt anything if you would just tell me what the hell was going on, Skull!” Clarissa shouted and crossed her arms.
“It’s... It’s complicated, okay?” he said, shaking his head.
“Try me,” Clarissa said and narrowed her eyes.
“I want to. I want to tell you, but I’ve worked too hard and I can’t screw this up! This is too important,” Skulls said.
Clarissa’s mouth dropped open and her heart dropped into her stomach.
“If your silly little bike gang is so freakin’ important, just get the hell out, Skull! I’ll be better off without you! Get out and leave me the hell alone! I mean it this time!” Clarissa shouted and pulled the door to open it, but despite her angry strength it didn’t budge.
“Damn it,” she swore and unlocked it.
“Clarissa, please calm down,” Skull said, “Please.”
“Out!” Clarissa said tearing open the door. She stalked across the room and snatched his jacket up and threw it into the hallway before chucking his shoes out in the same unceremonious manner.
“Clarissa!” Skull said.
“Skull, get out!” she shrieked.
Clarissa made herself watch Skull leave. She counted the steps that it took him to cross the threshold. Fourteen. Fourteen steps was all it took for him to be out of her life forever. Clarissa slammed the door and locked the deadbolt before falling to her knees.
Her heart was still beating and her lungs were still drawing in air, but Clarissa wasn’t sure how, because she felt hollow inside. How could organs sustain her if they had vanished. She lay on the floor and press her cheek against the carpet. It felt soft against her skin as the first tear fell.
“I’m only crying for the ‘what if’ that’s gone,” Clarissa told herself, “The lost possibilities.”
She didn’t believe the words even as she sobbed them into the carpet. She had let herself fall hard for a guy that would never be hers. Clarissa didn’t want him to be hers, not if he was going to throw his life away. It was better this way. She wouldn’t survive watching him spiral into the depths of hell and throw everything away.
Clarissa didn’t call Julie, though the thought did cross her mind. She didn’t think that her bestie would be capable of understanding what she was feeling tonight.
Chapter Seven
Skull grabbed his jacket and shoes and stormed down the steps without looking back. His breaths came out in short angry pants as he sprinted down to the ground floor. Why did he keep trying with that infuriating woman? Why did she insist on prying into the tiniest details of his life? Okay, so some of the things she asked about weren’t exactly tiny, but she needed to mind her own business. If she didn’t she could get hurt. If she knew too much, it could become dangerous for her. So why couldn’t she just trust him a little longer?
He was close to achieving his goal. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. He just needed time, but no one wanted to give it to him. As the minutes and hours turned to days, weeks and eventually months and years everyone else had given up, but he hadn’t. He wanted answers and he’d have them.
Once outside he stepped into his boots and laced them up, making a mental note to himself not to take his shoes off at her place again. Was he really planning on seeing Clarissa again? Yes, despite how crazy it seemed Skull did plan on doing just that. She was quirky and frustrating, but he couldn’t stay away.
For the month that she avoided him he had driven by her place several times trying to get up the nerve to explain things to her. The guys of Starless had told him not to.
“Gal’s better off in the dark for now,” Hugo had said.
“Don’t get her wrapped up in this,” Lobster warned, “She’s a happy girl and you don’t want to fuck with that.”
“Lotta help you bastards are,” he cursed as he slipped his helmet on, “Maybe I should have told her in the first place. She couldn’t be any more useless to the situation than you ass hats, could she?”
Skull revved the engine and headed towards the pub. He knew he shouldn’t head there angry, but he couldn’t face his empty apartment yet. Not when less than five minutes ago he had been on the verge of confessing everything to Clarissa. How that quirky woman had won him over, he might never be sure.
At times Skull thought it might be her vulnerability. Other times he thought it might be the ember of fire that burned within waiting to go off at him without warning. Clarissa was damn sexy when she was angry.
Skull parked his bike in front of the pub and killed the engine. He tore the heavy helmet from his head and hung it on the handlebars. Before stepping away from his bike he took a few deep breaths. The Starless guys weren’t being unhelpful on purpose and he knew that. Hugo had threatened to quit helping him in his search if he lost his temper again.