Those words are a key.
Ryan cups my jaw and holds on to me as he presses his warm mouth to mine. He slowly brushes his lips against mine, somehow defying physics as time around us stops, and all that’s left is Ryan rushing through my senses.
It’s a slow dance, this kiss. Not a selfish act of affection, not driven by lust; but an outpouring of a man’s heart like I’ve never experienced before. Our lips sway in graceful fluid motions, pushing and pulling, giving and taking. Ryan’s thumb brushes from my jaw to my mouth, softly parting my lips and deepening the kiss. Like a spark catching on the end of a wick, fire rushes from my curled toes all the way up to my fingers threaded through the back of Ryan’s amazing hair. I breathe in the cool scent of his masculine body wash, letting it surround me as I try to etch every detail of this moment into my heart, determined to replay it every day for the rest of my life.
Calloused hands run down the length of my arms and settle around my waist, striking every nerve ending in my body as they move. Without words, he tells me he adores me, cares for me, desires me. I can feel it in the possessive caress of his lips, and in the way his fingertips slide down and press into my hips, firm yet gentle—as if he’s afraid I might shatter. But actually, it’s the tenderness of this moment that breaks me in half.
Ryan could be picking me up and carrying me to his room, but he’s not. He senses my brokenness and misuse and coddles me instead. I’ve never liked my curves, but with Ryan’s hands on them, they feel empowering and feminine. His fervent attention to the parts of my hips and thighs that squish and dimple make me feel for the first time like they are not unwanted, but essential.
His strong arms encircle me and draw me in closer, scooting me toward the edge of the counter. The cotton T-shirt hugging his body feels soft against my skin as I run my hands up his firm chest and settle them over the tense, bunching muscles in his shoulders. Part of me wants to set the restraint I feel in him free, and part of me is too scared to.
Our kiss moves from a waltz to a tango. His hands press into my back and I grip his shirt. His hair. His shoulders again.
Ryan groans and abruptly breaks the seal of our mouths to bury his face in my neck, pressing his palms down onto the counter beside my hips. After a deep breath, his arms slide around my back until he is fully encapsulating me in what can only be described as a bear hug. My breath continues to race in my chest as I sit awestruck, held by a man I thought I’d never be able to have.
Never once in my life have I felt this safe. This…cherished.
Ryan lays quiet kisses on my neck, and a tear falls down my cheek. I think I accidentally sniff, because Ryan stands back up and examines my face. I turn my eyes away, but he pulls my chin back and wipes away the streak my tear left behind.
“Tears?” he asks.
I nibble my bottom lip and try to keep more tears from releasing. “Ryan, I... Well, I…” I can’t get the words out. I feel them, but I can’t say them.
His face is soft as his mouth tilts into a smile, and he pushes the hair back from my face. “I know. You don’t have to say it yet.” Again, such compassion. It disarms me.
I nod, and he lays another chaste kiss on my lips. “Want some coffee?”
I chuckle. “Not really. My mind is in other places right now.”
His grin says he likes this answer, but he shakes his head. “I think we need to figure some things out first.” He gives me a whisper of a kiss. “I’m not rushing you, June. We’ve got time.”
Yeah, but the problem is his tender answer makes me want to rush right into it.
But he’s right…
“Fine. You make a compelling argument,” I say as he picks up my hand and lays a soft kiss against my wrist and then my palm. His warm kisses spread to each of my fingers. “Okay, but now your argument is confusing.”
He chuckles against my skin. “This is one of those instances where I know what I should do, but it’s completely opposite of what I want to. Basically, this is me teetering.”
I eye his soft lips pressing against my thumb. “So you’re leaving it up to me to say no right now? Dangerous decision.”
His dark eyes shift to my hand as he raises his own, placing our palms together like two-high school kids examining the differences in proportions. I wonder if this is something he dreamed of doing in high school with me? Something innocent and sweet, standing by our lockers.
His lips curl up softly as he surveys our hands pressed together before he slowly folds his fingers down between mine. “I want to get this right with you, June.”
He finally looks back up, and when his gaze settles intently over my face, I melt. I’m gone. Done for. I nod my agreement because I want nothing more than to get this right with him.
We stare at each other a little longer, his hands still holding tight to mine, thumb rubbing slowly up and down mine. It’s a settling moment where we let the charged air sink back to normal.
The final break of the spell is when Ry
an says, “Do you think you can make do without me for an hour or so?”
I try not to frown because I’m not that girl who needs her man glued to her every second of every day. But for some reason, I feel pouty. “Sure. What do you have to do?”
“I need to go into work and check on a few things.”
The vagueness of his answer pricks me. It feels familiar because I’ve heard it before. “Oh, okay. Yeah.” I slide off the counter. “Sure thing. I’ll get ready while you’re gone.” I'm an easy-breezy CoverGirl now. So chipper.