“I am.” Except, she’s not.
I bump her little shoulder with mine. “Tell me what’s up.”
She breathes in and out for a minute and then finally lets the truth out. “I’m kinda scared. I know I put up a big fight about wanting to go…but now that I can…I’m scared I’ll have a seizure while I’m there.”
I understand that, and unfortunately, the chances are pretty high that she will. Stress and sleep deprivation are triggers for a lot of people. “You might. But if you do, Daisy will be there to take care of you.”
And I have no doubt that Daisy will. I’ve been working with them all week, and what I’ve seen leaves me with nothing but confidence.
Sam turns her face away from me to pet Daisy. “It’s not that I’m afraid of the seizure. I’m…I’m afraid of what the other girls will think of me if they see me have one.”
Unfortunately, this is the one thing regarding disabilities that service dogs cannot protect us from—other humans. People can be cruel, especially kids, so I understand Sam’s worry.
“I wish I could tell you that everyone will always understand your seizures—but they won’t. You can’t control other people, but you can control who you surround yourself with. So, if you think that these girls will be mean to you if you have a seizure, don’t go—they’re not worth your friendship.”
“Have you ever had anyone be mean to you after seeing one of your episodes?”
I don’t like this question. It fills my mind with uncomfortable memories that I would rather never think of again. Ones I’ve buried six feet under the ground and promised never to revisit. Looks like I’m grabbing a shovel.
“Unfortunately…yes.” I had a seizure during English class my junior year of high school. I am one of the lucky few who convulse during an episode (did you catch my sarcasm there?). Let me tell you, the jocks of the school loooovvedd that. They spent the rest of the school year reenacting my seizures every time they passed me in the hallway, but they must have been very into drama since they made sure to take their reenactments way over the top. I’m just lucky to have been in high school before the time of social media. I can only imagine how scary high school would be for someone with a disability in the age of smartphones.
And you know what? As it turns out, I don’t think Sam needs to hear this whole story. It probably wouldn’t make her feel much better. So I keep the full story to myself but decide that, one day, if I feel she needs to hear it, I’ll tell her.
Wait a second.
Why in the world am I picturing myself in Sam’s life as she’s growing up?
“I had some not-so-nice people say some not-so-nice things about me when I was young. But you know what…” I look down at Sam and brush her hair behind her ear. “I survived. It hurt at the time, but now I’m a strong woman who lives with a very scary medical condition, and I have every right to feel proud of myself for that. And you do, too. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about who you are or scared to live your life. You’re more than your seizures. And I’ll be happy to remind you of that anytime you doubt it.”
Sam smiles and then surprises me by leaning into me and wrapping me up in her darling little
arms. “Thanks, Evie. I’m glad I emailed you that day…even if I did lose my iPad for a week.”
I laugh. “Me too, darlin’.”
A few minutes later, I hear the sliding door open, and Jake steps out wearing a pair of aviators in a way that would make Tom Cruise envious. “What are you two ladies doing out here?”
“Just enjoying your incredible pool,” I say, holding my hand above my eyes to shade them from the sun. I should have put them in front of my eyes to shade them from Jake. I can’t handle how good he looks drenched in the orange sunset. He’s already tan, but the warm glow only adds to it, licking at his muscular forearms and making the man look downright illegal.
“I’m glad someone’s enjoying it,” he says, coming to sit down on the other side of Charlie.
“Yeah, we never use it,” says Sam, a sad tone touching her voice.
“Never?” I’m shocked. What kind of crazy person would have a pool this glorious and never use it?
“Between work, and school, and doctor’s appointments, we just don’t have the time.”
“Then make time!” He should be put in jail for owning a pool that could be featured on a design show and not finding time to use it.
He chuckles and shakes his head a little. “It’s not that easy.”
“It really is, though.”
He’s trying to sell me adulting, and I’m not buying it. The real problem has been hovering in Jake’s and Sam’s eyes all week. They haven’t picked up the pieces of their life yet. They got hit with some tough stuff and haven’t decided to move forward. I’m about to slingshot their butts into moving on.
“Life isn’t worth it if you can’t play a little. You’ve gotta steal fun when you can,” I say while standing up.
Jake looks up at me with a crooked smile. “Like when? What do you suggest when every day is booked solid and I can barely find time to tie my shoes?”