Mary’s eyes searched hers. “What if I’m not strong enough?” She didn’t know whether Mary was referring to her physical strength or emotional strength. But either way, Elizabeth’s answer was the same.
“You are. And I’ll be here with you the entire time to remind you.”
Mary’s lips pressed together as a fountain of tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Vulnerability felt tangible. “Thank you, Elizabeth. I shouldn’t have—”
Elizabeth stopped her with a shake of her head. “Never mind all that.” She didn’t need for Mary to say the words she could see written in her eyes. “Just focus on breathing.” No sooner did those words fall out than Mary began to grit her teeth with another contraction. Elizabeth drenched a rag in the lavender water from the basin and began to dab Mary’s forehead.
She heard a loud door slam downstairs and, with a flood of relief, knew that it would be either Robert or the doctor. She stood to go see which it was when Mary reached out and firmly grabbed Elizabeth’s hand. “Don’t go anywhere, Elizabeth,” said Mary. “I need you.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Oliver stopped on the threshold of the nursery and watched Elizabeth sway her new nephew, Matthew Robert Cunningham, back and forth. Seeing her there—holding that child—grabbed him. He could feel his pulse in his neck and the desire he had suppressed for so long demanding his attention, demanding acknowledgment.
He had never wanted to be a father—or a husband, since the two went hand in hand. But there was Elizabeth, bathed in the pink setting sun shining through the window, filling his senses with a new realization that he wanted a family more than anything in the world. He wanted her and her children. He wanted to love her well. He wanted to deserve her. However, fear was a vise that had crippled him for so long. It was unshakable. It was his friend. It whispered that it would keep him safe from himself.
“How does it feel holding a child you delivered?” Oliver asked keeping his voice lowered to match the quiet room.
Elizabeth’s tired eyes raised to him. For a moment she paused her swaying and a smile that sent a tingle down his spine bloomed over her face. Maybe it was the sun setting in the window behind her, maybe it was that he had kissed her forehead earlier and just that small touch had confirmed something for him. Or maybe it was that she was looking at him like she truly wanted him there. But whatever the reason, it had him moving across the room to stand as close to Elizabeth as propriety allowed.
All right—propriety wouldn’t allow this. But he stood there all the same.
Elizabeth shook her head, smiling down at the bundle in her arms. “It was all such a whirlwind, Oliver. I was so frightened when we realized the doctor was not going to make it in time.” Even Hatley had nearly missed the birth. Oliver had retrieved the earl from the House of Lords and Hatley had only disappeared up the stairs for a quarter hour before he had come down again with glistening eyes and a smile of triumph. All of the weight he had been carrying for months was gone. His child was in the world and his wife was well. Elizabeth had delivered the child and tended to Mary until the doctor had arrived. Every bit of the day was a miracle. The child was early—to an extent that most babies did not survive—but the doctor was pleased with his health and he was hopeful that with proper feedings, the newest Cunningham would survive. Thrive, even.
“I cannot believe I delivered him on my own,” said Elizabeth.
“I can.”
He was looking down at the new little Lord Cunningham, but he could feel Elizabeth’s eyes on his face. He could always feel when she was looking at him. “Why do you always say things like that?” she asked quietly.
“Like what?”
“As if you never doubt my courage or strength.”
He met her eyes. “Because I don’t.”
Her brows were pinched together, studying him, looking for the secret he kept locked away. A few more moments with that look and she would unlock it. “Sometimes, I think you’re the only person who feels that way about me. Or…sees me that way.”
“Lizzie, I’ve seen you climb out of enough windows to know that you are full of both courage and strength.”
“As I’ve reminded you repeatedly, it was one window. And that’s different. Others see my actions as reckless. You’ve never seen me that way.”
“I think the real problem is that you see yourself that way.” He held her gaze, until he couldn’t anymore. He looked down to the baby and nodded. “And just look. This is all the proof you need that you are full of courage and strength. You stepped in when Mary needed you and delivered her child.”
She smiled and adjusted the blanket away from the tiny baby’s cheeks. “It was quite wonderful.” She looked back up at Oliver with a playful look in her eyes. “You know, I was only keeping him for an hour so Mary and Robert could get some rest, but perhaps I will steal him away in the night and keep him as a constant reminder of my courage.”
Oliver smiled. “A wonderful idea. I doubt your sister and brother-in-law would object in the least.”
“Really, I’d be doing them a favor. Imagine all the sleep they will not lose if I steal him.”
They both chuckled. “No need to justify your actions to me, Lizzie. I can’t imagine why anyone would wish for the responsibility of a child anyway. You would just be relieving them of a burden.” It was meant as a jest, but after the words came out, it didn’t feel or sound much like one.
Apparently Elizabeth didn’t think so either.
She blinked. “You don’t wish for children of your own?” Had he never told her that before? No. He’d studiously avoided any such conversations with her about marriage or children. No one knew that he never intended to marry.
“It was only a jest,” he said with a wavering smile.
“No, it wasn’t. Do not attempt to lie to me, Oliver. I know you too well.” She did know him too well. Which was a lit