What I didn’t say out loud was how hard it was going to be for me to find a prince charming who wouldn’t run screaming when he found out about my past. What I also failed to mention was that I was very close to coming to terms with how my happily ever after might never happen.
I turned my head, peering over at him. Ben was already looking at me. “You deserve nothing less,” he whispered as he reached out and brushed the back of his hand down my cheek.
I didn’t know why Ben didn’t have a problem with my past. Was it because he’d had sex with a gazillion women? Was it because he worked in porn? I didn’t want to question it, because right now, despite knowing that things between us weren’t in the cards long-term, he was giving me something I didn’t even realize I needed.
All this time, I thought I had been searching for an orgasm, but tonight, not having sex with Ben had made it perfectly clear that what I’d been craving was a connection—an intimate, emotional connection with a man, which I had been deprived of the entire time I had been an escort.
“Thank you, Ben.”
It was nice knowing that there was at least one man who saw me, the real me, past Jade and the false persona I had constructed. Someone who wouldn’t hold against me the very thing that I had decided to do in order to save my family, in order to put myself through school.
“For what?”
I let my head fall to the side, resting my cheek against my arm that sat across the back of the couch. “For seeing me.”
Ben Lockwood had started off as a distraction, but now…
“I see you.” He brushed aside my hair, securing it behind my ear. “I see everything.”
As if those words had unlocked a new level to my emotions, I wasted no time caressing my lips over his. It took but a moment for the gentle press of our lips to turn into something more. Something needy.
I reared up, using my core to lift my body from the couch, my hand finding its way to his lap. But instead of the soft fabric of his dress pants, I found fur.
I pulled away, my breath erratic, my heart pounding against my breastbone.
There was no need to watch a romantic comedy, because right now I felt like I was living my own.
“Arnold Schwarzenegger. Time to go.” Immediately, the damn cat got up and jumped to the floor with a thud, obeying Ben as if they had been best friends for years.
I let out a small laugh but didn’t have the opportunity to let it develop, because Ben’s lips were on mine again, seeking, hungry, and reckless.
It had only taken three weeks for us to wind up in bed together, although it was a slow build and when it finally happened it was as if we’d belonged in that bed. Like we were never meant to leave.
But no matter how much I wanted him, I knew that I couldn’t have him. Not really. Not in the way that I needed. Ben Lockwood was never going to settle down. He was never going to be the type of man who would commit. Moreover, I feared that even a committed Ben Lockwood would need more than what monogamy could give him. More women for him. More men for me. More everything to keep things exciting. But that time in my life was over, and I wasn’t willing to be with a man who didn’t want me all to himself.
As soon as the cat hit the floor, I used the opportunity to straddle Ben, pressing my knees into the back of the couch. My hips swiveled and swirled, using the thick erection pressing at the front of his pants to give myself some release. His hands gripped my waist, flexing and squeezing my flesh until he found his way under my shirt; he grabbed both of my breasts and kneaded over the thin fabric of my bra.
I threaded my hands through his hair and made a fist, pulling his head back and exposing his neck. I licked a line up the chorded tendons, stopping just below his earlobe. I bit it, hard, then flicked the flesh with the tip of my tongue.
He jerked his head away. “Stand up,” he commanded.
This time, I wasn’t so eager to comply with his demands. I stared him down instead.
“You want to play games tonight? I can go find us a deck of cards.” His hands settled on my cheeks and he held my head in place, preventing me from continuing my exploration of his skin. “If you want to fuck tonight, I suggest you do as I say.”
I did want to fuck. And he knew it, which was why I had zero leverage.
I crawled off his body, standing on shaky legs in front of him. I didn’t bother fixing my clothing, knowing that it wouldn’t be on for much longer anyway. My skirt was bunched up around my waist and my shirt was secured around my breasts.
“Turn around, bend over, and put your palms on the coffee table.”
Butterflies in my stomach danced in a flurry of excitement. I sucked in a heavy breath then complied. The coffee table was a little too low, and immediately I felt the blood rush to my head.
He didn’t waste any time and ruined a perfectly good pair of expensive stockings by ripping them apart.
I wasn’t surprised that once again I was turned away from him. I had every inkling that he was going to fuck me from behind, and I knew it wasn’t because he was an ass man.
He didn’t want me to see his face. Look into his eyes. It was fine when we were kissing or touching, but as soon as there was penetration, he distanced himself. And it made me wonder if he was like that with every woman, or just me.