She was right. The company had virtually zero presence online.
“I totally understand. Change is tough, trying to get people to change even more so.”
Lucky for her, I had the special skill of figuring out people’s innermost wants, and using them to my advantage.
“How did you get into this?” she asked, leaning forward on her desk. She was doing her best to look interested in my work, but I could tell she was more interested in me than what I studied.
“I wanted to take something in school that I could use in the real world. No sociology or anthropology for me.” I smiled. “So I took business. I started off in human resources, but organizational behavior was much more fascinating. I’m good at reading people. Figuring out their motives. Everyone just wants to be heard.”
She eyed me, not in envy, which was the usual look I got from other women, but in curiosity. However, there was still one burning question that hadn’t been addressed.
“Why me?”
She didn’t even hesitate when she responded, “You’re highly recommended. You’re young, so I assume you’re familiar with the current market, and…you’re cheap.” She was honest. I admired that. “I’m hoping you’ll at least consider my offer.”
In all honesty, there was nothing to think about. I didn’t have any jobs lined up. Not one. Which made this my best offer. But I wasn’t going to jump at it. Desperation never worked for anyone.
“Let me give it some thought.”
I stood, extending my hand, and let Collette know that I’d like to take a couple of days to consider her offer. She was agreeable, and even gave me her personal cell number before I walked out of her office and took the elevator down to the lobby.
I made my way home, and as soon as I walked in the door of my apartment, I was greeted by my newest friends—Cynders and Princess. I bent down, their purrs doing something to my chest, easing my tension, limiting the negative thoughts about failure that had all of a sudden taken front and center in my brain.
A couple of months ago I had decided to foster cats. I now had two who I’d keep until the shelter could find them a permanent home. I bent down, scratching Cynders on her head and running my hand across her back. Sadie hated the cats, which was why I didn’t tell her that a third cat would be arriving next week.
I checked their food and water bowls, making sure they had enough to last them until morning, and then retreated to my room.
Flopping down on my bed, all alone, I scolded myself.
I had been naive. I hadn’t thought about what life would be like when it was all over. When there was no more sex and no more cash filling up my bank account. I hadn’t realized that it would be so damn hard. I had spent so much time thinking about the endgame that I hadn’t thought about what would happen when I got there.
Yes, I had graduated from university.
Yes, I had started my own consulting firm.
Yes, I was making my own money and paving my own way.
But I felt like I was stuck. Too stressed out to enjoy the present and too inadequate to obtain my future.
I had grown up in a normal middle-class home with a stay-at-home mom and a father who worked morning, noon, and night. And when it had all come crashing down, I saw how helpless my mother had become, how strained their marriage got just because of money, or its lack.
It was that realization that had solidified my future. I’d never let myself rely on a man to survive.
Which was why I was going to take Collette’s offer.
I had made a promise three years ago that I would make it on my own.
And I was much too stubborn to give up.
A consistent paycheck was the smart decision. At least for right now, even though the thought of it made me nauseous. I hadn’t even been able to survive on my own for a year. But I needed to move forward, and at the same time, I needed to figure out who I wanted to be.
Maybe working at a company long enough to develop relationships might help me find myself again. Maybe it would help me remember the girl I’d been before I’d taken money to have sex.
I needed to find that girl. I need to be that girl.
Because I sure as hell wanted to stop being Jade.
Chapter 6