He sauntered over to the couch and I scrambled, tucking my legs under my body as he lowered on the opposite end. The casual way he carried himself was also something I was drawn to, because for the last four years I didn’t have the luxury of being casual. There was always something nagging at me, something that kept my mind and body in flight mode.
“I couldn’t sleep.” His blond hair fell over one eye—and it was sexy as hell. “I was coming down for some water.”
I closed my eyes and breathed him in, letting him fill my lungs, and for the first time in a long while, it felt like I’d taken a deep breath.
“Why can’t you sleep?”
He shrugged. “Just trying to figure out my life.”
Aren’t we all?
“Are you seriously knitting?” He leaned over, picking up the needles and the scarf I was attempting to make.
“Yes.” I grabbed at them, trying not to unravel my work. “It’s calming. What’s your hobby? Finding a cure for STD’s?”
I cringed. I hadn’t meant to be mean. Somehow he just brought it out of me.
He laughed and settled deeper into the couch, one arm stretched across the back. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.
“You probably need a lot of hobbies since you’re no longer screwing guys.” I heard him suck in a breath and his hand tensed on the arm of the couch. “I’m sorry.” He hung his head. “With you there’s no in-between. I’m either an asshole or I have no idea what to say.”
Somehow that made me feel better, because I was definitely going to pretend that his response meant he was just as mixed up about our relationship, about this thing between us, as I was.
But right now, all I could think about was the way Ben’s big hands had gripped my hips while he thrust inside me. How those blue eyes had locked on mine, taking me to a place I still hadn’t recovered from.
I’d been on my own for years now, and it scared me how easily I had given in to his needs. It was even more scary how easily I had let him figure out mine and give me exactly what I’d wanted.
I wasn’t sure I liked that woman. So I did the only thing I could think of to keep her locked away, especially when it came to Ben Lockwood. Jade was ever-present whenever he was near, the woman I wanted to be not even a blip on my radar.
“So…” I leaned forward, letting my finger trail down his arm to his wrist. “Are you going back to bed, or do I need to lock myself in the bathroom to finish?”
My answer was him bolting from the couch. But instead of leaving, he hovered in the doorway. Looking over his shoulder, but only giving me his profile, he said, “You do know you’re not going to be able to finish without thinking of me.” This time he turned his head all the way, and I saw his grin. “Download episode thirty-four. It’s the only one where you see my face.”
Even from the doorway he’d recognized his scene. I groaned, smashing my head back to the pillow.
Sex with Ben had been the best of my life, but if I was truly going to move forward and leave my escort days behind, I needed to stay far away from everything having to do with the sex industry.
Ben Lockwood was my past.
And he was going to stay there.
Chapter 4
Ben
I felt like I was here under duress, but I had to admit that I was curious about this meeting.
The moment I’d walked into the small waiting area surrounded by a grouping of offices on the third floor of Shaw College, an immediate sense of terror had washed over me. This room reminded me of the principal’s office and the many times I had been summoned over the PA system to confess to a crime I’d probably committed.
“Mr. Lockwood. Thank you for stopping by.”
I looked up, not expecting an attractive women in her fifties to greet me. Not because I was sexist, but because I never would’ve guessed that a woman would go out of her way to get a porn company on the list of approved internships.
“Professor Hughes?”
She nodded.
I stood and walked toward her, holding out my hand in greeting. She gave me a sweet smile. A genuine smile. Not one laced with judgment or disgust like I was accustomed to.