The dam burst, and he would not hold back the resentment that had simmered inside him for the past couple of hours. He’d been so patient, so loving to Pyro, and what had he gotten in return? His kindness pissed on and thrown into his face. He would no longer be patient.
Pyro scowled but didn’t pull back and met Clover’s gaze this time. “I’m not in the best place right now. Doesn’t mean I should use you as a punching bag, but it’s true. I fucking hate everything. I completely lost my compass without Boar. I just… miss him so bad,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper. “And Tank’s right. I haven’t been pulling my weight because—”
“We all miss Boar!”
“I thought he was dead.”
Clover’s chest sank, and he stared at Pyro in disbelief. “Why? Shouldn’t you, out of all people, believe in him most?”
Pyro shrugged, rubbing his shoulders while his hair limply slumped to one side. “I don’t know. It just made sense in my head. This whole search seemed so hopeless until tonight.”
Clover shook his head in dismissal. There were more important things to discuss than Pyro’s pity party. Boar had been a captive for months and might have gone through unimaginable horrors. They needed to plan well if they were to take him back, and discussing that would have been more productive without Pyro’s mean words running on loop in his head.
“What is that place? That fight?”
Pyro raised his fists to the sky and dropped them with a growl. “Clo. I didn’t mean it, I swear. I was just so angry, and I—I wanted to hurt you. I only said those things because I knew they’d hurt you,” he said, staring at Clover as if he wanted to penetrate his flesh with that green gaze.
The invisible wound, which had been only trickling blood so far, started draining Clover’s heart, and he rubbed his eyes, desperate to get rid of the tears before they could have spilled down his cheeks. “Why would you want to hurt me? I’m always there for you! Always. Even tonight, I was so scared for you that I convinced Tank we should follow you.”
Pyro exhaled, covering his face with both hands. “Why? Why would you care? All those months, you were there to pull me up whenever I was down. But why now? After all I said--”
Clover’s shoulders sagged. “Seriously? Because I love you. What does it even matter at this point? You clearly don’t return my feelings, so let’s just move on.”
Pyro stilled, his eyes widening between spread fingers, breath speeding up. “You do?”
Clover didn’t know what to say. Everything about this situation was embarrassing. He was a sucker. He was naive and too free with his feelings to realize he wasn’t investing them in the right person. Hadn’t Pyro said from the start that he and Boar—the loving couple—needed a third for sex? It wasn’t as if his behavior toward Clover had changed that much since then. Pyro had always been the one who didn’t show much interest in solo time with Clover, and maybe that should have been the hint to how he viewed their relationship all along. “Of course I do.”
“I thought you… you just liked Boar. Are you being serious right now? I’m not just a hot dick to sit on?” Pyro asked, leaning forward with hunger in his eyes.
Clover’s cheeks flared with heat at this sudden change, and he barely managed to rub away a stubborn tear before it could have rolled down his face. “You’re far too much effort to be just a dick. But come to think of it, you’ve definitely been a dick. I’m sick of this back and forth with you.”
Pyro swallowed, his expression changing like the sky on fast forward. “I’m not lovable. I’m a dick. I’m an addict. I can’t look after myself. But Boar saw something in me and dragged me out of the gutter. I didn’t think anyone else could love me the way he does,” he said with unusual softness.
And there Clover was, dragged right back in by the same protective instincts that had allowed him to ignore Pyro’s abrasive behavior since Boar’s disappearance. “I’m not trying to replace him. No one could do that. But I’ve been there for you, and you just don’t seem to care. And in the end, I’m the dumbass who just can’t let you destroy yourself, because I know there’s more to you deep down.”
Pyro exhaled, resting his hands on his hips, as if it was the support he needed to keep his back upright. “Because it’s hard for me to be real with people. Sometimes, it’s even hard to be myself around him, even after all the shit I’d dragged him through in the past. He’d seen me covered in vomit and piss, and he still chose to love me. I thought he was the only one willing to put up with all that,” he said, rubbing his hands against his knees. “That you were just sorry for me.”