Gray slowly turned around, sipping water from a bottle as he watched Jake in silence. His gaze was bright, unfocused at times, but it still gave Jake the feeling that even his soul was under scrutiny. Gray took his time, as if he wasn’t sure of what he wanted to say, but in the end he spoke in a calm, steady voice.
“Don’t take it personally, Jake, but I think you should work on your self-respect. This whole giving-sexual-favors-to-members thing it weird. When we fucked, I didn’t treat it that way.”
Jake kept his face straight, though any arousal he might have had fizzled out at Gray’s words. So Gray thought he had no self-respect? Was this how everyone felt about him?
“So… how did you treat it?” he mumbled and attempted to put his hands in his pockets, only to realize in frustration that he had none.
Gray shrugged. “We just sucked each other off. It was sex, plain and simple. You were in a bad spot, and I hadn’t had any for a while. We’re friends, so we let off some steam together. I don’t want anyone to serve me because I have a patch on my back. Definitely not like this. Something changed about your behavior in the past few months, and I’m getting worried.”
Jake’s heart sank, but he put on a silly grin. “Means I need a patch soon so we can get the confusion out of the air.” Kill. Me. Now.
Gray stepped closer. “I mean it, Jake. If you’re not comfortable with the way the guys are treating you, say the word. I’ll talk to them.”
Jake wiggled his eyebrows, digging the hole for himself even deeper, desperate to change the topic. “Or would you talk to them?” He made a gesture across his throat with the fake knife.
Gray scratched his head. “Why are you joking about this? Doesn’t it bother you that they sometimes talk about you as if you’re a sex toy? You deserve to be one of us by now.”
The smile was wiped off Jake’s face, and he desperately wished he had pockets to stuff his hands down. Gray thought there was something wrong with him. He shrugged. “It’s not like I get much action nowadays.” Shame was burning a hole in his heart, and he wished this topic could die in a dumpster fire.
Gray approached him and put his hands on Jake’s shoulders. “What’s wrong, brother?” he asked softly, watching Jake with those all-seeing eyes.
Jake bit the inside of his cheek, not knowing how to react to such gentle touch. “I’m just… I’m sorry. I didn’t think this was how others see me.”
Gray sighed. “That’s not what I said. The guys... they do like you, you know that. But it might be difficult for them to take you seriously because of the way you act sometimes. Do you think any of them would have done the things you do to get their patches? Can you imagine Joker sucking the president’s dick for it? It’s not in the job description, Jake.”
It hurt twice over because he’d heard that same statement before from Vars. ‘Prospect, not prostitute’. It was so offensive it stuck in his head and wouldn’t leave. “Yeah, I guess not.” He swallowed, unsure how to put his worries into words yet knowing Gray was the one person who could help him out with this. “But… how can I turn it around at this point?”
Gray slid his arm around Jake’s shoulders and offered him a bowl of nuts. He smelled of a citrusy cologne with hint of fresh sweat, and Jake had to fight himself not to lean farther into the embrace. “The problem isn’t the sex but the way it’s framed. You can fuck them all, but if you make it seem like they have the right to order you into their beds, it will be difficult for them to switch to treating you as an equal. You need to make it clear next time that you don’t want this to go on. I know Beast would side with you, and so would my father.”
Jake nodded and stuffed his mouth with pecans so he wouldn’t have to answer. In all honesty, he’d prefer chocolate right now. Just eat himself to death and be done with it.
Gray looked as if he wanted to say something else, but his phone beeped, and after a moment’s hesitation he picked it up. Just two seconds into reading the screen, his entire face twisted.
“Everything all right?” Jake would take any topic over the one they were discussing.
Gray tossed the phone back on the table top and crossed his arms on his chest, still watching the offending device. “I found out who I’m gonna work with on an assignment for Mr. Magpie.”
“Wait, don’t you always work alone?”
Gray leaned against the wall. “This is a two-man job. And Magpie wants me to work with this nutjob. He’s good but gives me the creeps.”