“What if something collapses over you, huh? You don’t know what can happen inside. You can’t risk your life like that!”
Jake clutched at the snow, and it took seconds for Vars to realize that Jake was trying to crawl, resisting the force of the collar without much success. “I could save them! It’s worth the risk. They’re my family, Vars! Gray is like a brother! I will be careful,” he pleaded.
Vars wanted to tell him off right away, say Jake was being stupid, irresponsible, selfish, but then he saw tears streaking down his lover’s face, and the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth.
Slowly, he looked up at the blaze that was so hot some of the windows cracked, and then back at Jake. His heart thumped as he scooted down and squeezed Jake’s shoulder. The boy was his to protect, and in such conditions there likely wasn’t much he could do anyway.
“Jake, please. You could die.”
“Or I could save two lives or more. If need be, I could… awake Azog. Please, Vars. Every second counts. There’s people dying in there.” His breaths were shallow, gaze frantic, and it broke Vars’s heart piece by piece.
Vars answered without thinking, his hands squeezing Jake’s shoulders and shaking. “No. No. No. No one’s life is more important than yours!” And more still, Vars’s future lay in those beautiful blue eyes and Jake’s sweet kisses. He would not have that taken away from him for anyone! Not even Jake himself. “Haven’t you promised to trust my judgement?”
Jake’s scream made Vars’s ears ring, and Jake shoved at him so hard Vars fell back into the snow. “You promised! You promised not to use this collar against me!” He grabbed the steel around his neck and yanked at it to no effect. “Red! Red, Vars! Don’t do this to me!”
Var’s heart stilled. The stone planted deep inside him was heavy with regret and made him slump his shoulders as he stared straight back into Jake’s fiery gaze. It brimmed with accusation and disappointment, something Vars had hoped Jake would never feel for him. He wanted his boy to be proud of serving him. He wanted to keep him safe, but it had never been selfless. In the back of his mind, Jake was already at his side a hundred years on, sleeping with his blond head in Vars’s lap and polishing Vars’s shoes, the two of them walking together through an ever-changing world.
He didn’t want to let go.
But he had to. Jake was only his because he wanted to be, but now it was time to set him free.
“I love you.”
“Then let me go,” Jake whispered through a sob. “How will I live with myself if I don’t try to save them?”
And that selfless dedication was what Vars had fallen in love with so quickly. Taking it away from Jake would have been something Vars could never forgive himself for.
He grabbed Jake’s hand and squeezed it, locking their eyes. He wanted to make Jake understand that he needed to come back. That Vars needed him. And he wanted to remember him. Just in case.
“I take back my order. I allow you to use Azog if it’s needed.”
Jake gasped as if only now the metal ring let him breathe. “I promised you to take care of myself, and I will.” He gave Vars a quick kiss before scrambling to his feet in the slush. “But I have to do this. I can’t live an eternity with this on my conscience. If I can avoid calling Azog, I will... I love you, too.” The last words were just a whisper, almost like a trick of wind. Jake was already backing out to the building, holding Vars’s hand by the fingers for as long as he could before letting go.
Chapter 27 - Jake
Fire was everywhere. Its curtains ran along the walls and chewed into the ceiling above Jake’s head. The smoke was heavy in his lungs—a thick, biting cloud—but he still felt fine, as if the tar gathering in his lungs were perfectly breathable to the gargoyle inside him. The heat was far worse, drying out the inside of his nose and mouth until his brain felt like the only cool space inside him, a block of ice about to melt from the scorching coals laid out around the pot it was in.
The swelter got progressively worse as he made his way toward the center of the building, stinging his eyes and drying them out so rapidly it felt like they might crack. Blinking, Jake rushed up the stairs, keeping close to the concrete wall and as far away from the burning wood of the railing as humanly possible.
It was like walking through a labyrinth of fire, because with the flames all around him Jake barely recognized rooms and hallways he’d spent the last three years of his life in. Confused, he ran toward the front of the building, where the workshop was, shouting at the top of his lungs.