“Lyl, come on. We've always been able to talk. Can I just sit, please?” he asks, his voice pleading to be heard. “I don't want to fight with you. Let's figure this out.”
“Figure this out how? How will it ever be the same? We can't go back now. What's done is done.”
“Please?” he asks.
I sit quietly, then give in. “Fine, I'll let you sit, but I'm not promising this is going to fix anything,” I say, moving over. “How'd you know I'd be here anyway? Even I didn't know I'd end up here.”
“Do you remember when we were kids and your father left? This is exactly where you came, this same spot. When your mother told you she was going to marry that other guy you hated, you came here then, too.” He looks off at the water as he says, “I guess I know you better than you know yourself.”
“Maybe you just got lucky.”
“Maybe. Either way, you're here.”
“That doesn't mean you know me like you think you do. If you did, I don't think we'd be here at all. We wouldn't be in this position.”
“What do you mean? What did I do wrong? I'm trying to understand.”
“You thought you knew me, Doug, and I thought I knew you too. But I think we're not the same people anymore. We changed somewhere down the line.”
“Lyllian, I do know you, and neither of us changed. I upset you, I can see that. I just don't know what I did wrong. I thought we were on the same the page?”
“Obviously we're not.” I look up at the sky, watching the clouds as they roll past the moon. “There's nothing else for me to say, Doug. We didn't listen to each other, it's that simple.”
Doug turns to look at me. I can feel his eyes as they burn my skin, but I keep my eyes on the sky. “Then tell me where I stopped listening. Tell me what I did. Because I can't figure it out.”
“You can't figure it out?” My tone is dry and callous.
How can he not know? Isn't it obvious?
“All I know is we both agreed to this, not just me, not just you, both of us. If something went wrong, we're both to blame.” I can feel the heat of his breath on my cheek. He's breathing fire. The frustration in his voice is thick.
But he claims he knows me. If he knows me so well, this shouldn't be a hard thing to figure out.
“I know. I'm not saying that I'm not at fault for anything, but you went too far.”
“Is this about the engagement thing? Is that what's making you so upset? Because if it is—”
My jaw crooks to the side and my pupils turn to pinpricks as I interrupt him. “You really don't see the problem here? Are you serious?”
“Yes, I'm serious, Lyl. Just tell me what it is so I can fix it. I might know you pretty damn well, but I can't read your mind. I'm not a fucking psychic.”
“Wow, you got that right.” I roll my eyes, peering at him with a side eyed glance. “Because if you could, you wouldn't need me to tell you, and maybe none of this would’ve happened in the first place.”
“Lyllian, stop being so difficult. We can't do anything to make this better if you just hold it in. Just spit it out, tell me what's wrong.”
“Fine, you really want to know what's wrong?” I whip my head in his direction, glaring at him through slit lids.
“Yes, I do. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't. Shit, I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about how you felt.”
“It's everything, Doug! All of this. It's the fake relationship, it's pretending to be something we're not, it's the hand holding, the little kisses, the light touches, the sex. And it's you talking about getting engaged. All of this was wrong, Doug.”
“Wrong? How can it be wrong if we both agreed to it?”
“Because I've spent my whole life afraid of this very moment! Of ending up like my mother, alone, angry, and feeling unloved. When my father walked out on us, it destroyed my life. It destroyed her. I watched her spend night after night just crying uncontrollably. I watched her crumble before my very eyes, and it was like my father never cared. He never cared about her, and he never cared about me. Because if he loved either of us enough, he'd still be here. He chose a new life over a life with us.”
“I'm sorry you had to go through that, Lyl. I know that was hard on you,” he says. His hands rest in his lap as his eyes soften. “I know what you felt.”
“No, you don't know,” I snap, my voice harsh. “Your parents are still together. They love each other, and you can still feel it between them. I could feel it today. I spent months watching my parents fight. I watched my mother beg my father to stay and fix their marriage. She tried, she tried so hard to make it work. The yelling, the screaming, it was awful. And then my father gave up. Just like that, he wiped his hands clean of us and left. What if that happens to us? What if this is what tears us apart? You're what got me through my parents’ divorce. What if we got married for all the wrong reasons and ended up like them? Two people who hate each other, who can't even stand the sight of each other. I don't think I could handle that.”