“Just think of how perfect it is, though. We could convince everyone so much easier. People would be happy.”
“People? Who cares about people? What about us, Doug? I knew it, I knew we've gone too far with this. Listen to you! You want to get married just to look better for a job.”
“No, not exactly. I mean, people love weddings. They love romance, they love all things sweet with a happy ending. Why not give them that?”
“Because it's not about them! Have you lost your mind?” Lyllian gives me another hard shove, forcing me back. “You're really willing to risk our friendship to further your career?” Her lips fold down and her eyes narrow. “I can't even look at you right now, I have no words.”
“Lyl, just hear me out.”
She throws up her hand and turns her head. “I'm done listening, Doug. You've had some crazy ideas over the years, including our little fake relationship, but marriage? I don't even know what to say.”
“It could work, Lyllian. If you just take a second and think about what it can do for us.” She pouts her lips angrily, and tries to storm past me, but I grab her by the shoulders, and force her to look at me. “You're misunderstanding me—”
“I understand you just fine, Doug, and I can't believe what I'm hearing. Now, let me go.” Her eyes drop to my hands, then snap back up. I've never seen so much anger in her, not like this. Her eyes are full of sharp razors I can only imagine she wishes she could cut me with.
She jerks her arms free, and shakes her head. “I thought I knew you, obviously I missed this person along the way. I don't know this guy, the guy who thinks he can just fake his way through life.”
“That's not it at all, you're not listening to what I'm saying.”
Lyllian growls through clenched teeth, nostrils flaring wide. “You're right, I'm done listening. I don't want to hear anymore that you have to say.”
“Lyl—”
“No, Doug. I'm leaving, get the hell out of my way.” She forces her way past, slamming her shoulder into mine as she storms off down the stairs.
“Lyl,” I say, but I get no response back.
Fuck. What did I just do?
10
Lyllian
Where the hell am I going?
I can't think straight. My mind is all over the place, jumping between thoughts and feelings, and trying to work through them. I want to rationalize the choices I've made. I want to think that I knew all the risks.
But I don't think I truly understood what those risks were until right now. I might have just lost my best friend. I might have put a rift between us so great that there's no way to come back from it.
A car comes zipping past me, making me stop short at the last second, right before I step off the curb into the road. My foot is dangling off the sidewalk, hovering in the air. The wind from the car blows over my body, snapping me out of my own hazy thoughts.
I'm at a crossroads. I can go left and head home. I can go right and find myself on the highway, or I can keep going straight, and let my feet take me far, far away from here. I can't go back, that way leads to the studio, and if I know Doug, he's going to come looking for me.
I look to the left, and stare toward home while I fight with myself over what I'm doing with my life. I've never felt this lost before.
Have you ever thought you knew the path your life's going to take, and then it suddenly veers in the opposite direction? This whole thing is taking me for a loop.
I've spent my life avoiding this exact scenario right here. I don't take these kinds of chances. I'd rather do what I deem to be safe. This was never safe. Not one part of this plan was ever safe.
What was I thinking?
The idea for us to act like a couple is the biggest mistake I've ever made. I shouldn't have said yes. I shouldn't have gone along with it in the first place. I should have known better, and that it wouldn't lead to anything good.
Why the hell did I do this? Why did I let him convince me to do something so stupid?
Was it stupid? I ask myself.
I had a taste of what it feels like to be his. And it's hard to deny that I like it. I enjoy it. I like it way too much for me to ever go back. I was playing with the devil, and I just got burned.
My eyes snap back, focusing on the other side of the road. Checking to make sure no cars are coming, I just start walking. I don't know where the hell I'm going and I really don't care. I just can't go back to the apartment. There's no way I'm ready to see him right now.