She needed me to be strong, to make sure her first time was somewhere better, not on the side of the King’s Highway. Years of warring had given me a strength of will most men did not possess. Sacrifice takes strength. Discipline is agony. I pulled away from her, and felt it like a tear in my very soul.
I swallowed the roar of pain that threatened to explode from my chest. There was a physical part of it that overtook me, but I was used to that.
The larger part of this unique, new pain was far deeper. This hurt my existence, tore a rent in my world. I needed her, and if I didn’t pull away from her now I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.
Her cheeks were flushed, her breaths short and fluttering, her brilliant green eyes dilated with pleasure. Arousal looked damned good on her.
I broke her gaze and ran a hand over my stubble as I looked away, remembering the brutality that had been my life. The things I’d done. How I’d lived.
I was sure nobody would ever be able to accept the two of us together. The delicate flower with the hulking oak. The doe and the wolf.
In a burst of anger and realization, I did what I knew was right. I put her first. I tore my own heart out with words that felt like rusty daggers. “You should get away from me. I’m the last thing you need.”
She didn’t flinch. Instead, she reached up. Soft, warm hands on my cheeks, making me look at her again. There was a wisdom…an understanding in her too-young eyes, and it wounded me deeper than any blade ever could. I’d give her anything. If it would make her life better, I’d give her the world.
“That kiss was…” She drew a deep breath, her lips spreading in a smile that dimpled her cheeks. “It was perfect. I will never be able to kiss another man.”
“Nor would I let you.”
Angry red blushes had crept down her throat and onto her chest. The heaping soft flesh of her breasts seeming to be fuller than just moments ago. I wanted to sink my teeth into her, to leave my mark for the world to see.
“Come now.,” I said, aware that I was losing this fucking battle. The words were hard, intended as much for me as for her. word from her, one request, and I’d lay her down in the brush and rut into her like an animal in heat. “This way.”
“You have to promise not to hurt my father. It will only make my life harder.”
I stared at her. How could I promise that? I needed to speak to him, needed to make sure he knew that his daughter was under my protection now. That if he harmed a hair on her head… “I won’t let any harm come to you.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“It’s the best I can do. Sara, I will protect you.” I kept my voice steady. “You will learn to trust me. Especially when it comes to your best interests.”
She looked thoughtful for a few moments, then finally nodded. “I will try. I haven’t experienced many men that engendered my trust.”
Together we made our way down the road, meeting only a few passersby, to whom Sara waved and smiled, chirping a ‘hello’ or ‘good day’ to each one as they gave us—or more so, me—wary, sidelong glances and barely muttered in return.
I’d walked and rode this stretch hundreds of times, but it had been going on three years and it seemed all new again. I noticed every rock, every flower. I noticed the birds chirping in the trees, the way she made each step feel there was something inside of me being reborn.
Being with her, being at her side, it made me feel whole. Like I had found my home.
We walked in a comfortable silence for a time, but I couldn’t hold back the need to know her. To know all about her. My voice sounded harsh when I muttered, “Tell me about you.”
“What do you want to know?”
Fucking everything.
“Let’s start with…your favorite flower,” I blurted without thinking. Favorite flower? It was hardly the most pertinent question right now. I wanted to know her dreams, her desires. I wanted to know the fantasies she made up when she lay in bed at night. I wanted to know the words that drove her crazy.
She laughed. “Flowers? love all of them I think.”
“If you had to pick one. If someone promised to fill your home with one flower forever, what would it be?”
“Mmm...” She glanced away. “Hellebore, surely. Do you know them? Some people call them Lenten roses.”
I shook my head, hesitating. “Might surprise you to know I don’t know much about the finer things in life. But I’m willing to learn.”