“I know. I never thought you were after my money. I pursued you, remember?”
I smile. “You did. And I resisted, even though you were the most attractive man I’d ever met.”
“It’s your nature to resist. It’s what drew me to you.”
“I was a challenge,” I say.
“You still are.”
“Am I? You’re not going to dump me now that you have me?”
“Why would I do that?”
Betsy’s story pops into my mind. How Braden allegedly dumped Addie because she wouldn’t engage in BDSM play with him again.
It’s not true. It can’t be true.
Can it?
I’d know for sure if I’d listened to Apple. If Braden never levels with me about Addie, I’ll never know the truth.
“What if you want something I can’t give you?” I ask.
“Did you dump me when you wanted something I couldn’t give you?”
“No. You dumped me.”
“Only because you needed to figure things out before I could take you further into the lifestyle. I don’t want you in the lifestyle for the wrong reason, Skye. You could get hurt.”
I nod. “I know. I understand that now.”
“This lifestyle isn’t for the faint of heart. I know that, and so do you. It has to be something we both enjoy for the right reasons. In the beginning, I saw your controlling nature, but I sensed part of it was a façade. Part of you seemed submissive to me, and I wanted to wake up that dormant part of you. But then things went a little awry.”
“Meaning?”
“I fell in love.”
I warm all over. “So did I.”
“If I didn’t love you, maybe I’d be okay with taking you through all the steps of the lifestyle for the wrong reasons, but you mean more to me than that. I couldn’t do it. If it’s any consolation, ending things with you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
I can’t help a soft scoff. “You didn’t even do a very good job.”
“You’re right about that. I couldn’t let you go, Skye. I went running to your parents, hoping I could find some clue as to why you wanted the breath control so much. Then, once you arrived, you know the results. I couldn’t stay away.”
“Neither could I, obviously.”
“But I promised myself I wouldn’t take you back to the lifestyle until you could answer the question I posed. You see, Skye, the lifestyle isn’t about punishment, even though I will punish you from time to time. But it’s my choice to punish you. Not yours.”
“I understand all that, Braden.”
“I believe you’re beginning to.”
“Beginning to?”
“That’s not an insult. It’s just an accurate statement. You said yourself that this is a journey.”
“It is. I also think your lifestyle is a journey.”
“I don’t disagree. But it’s a journey I must have control over. I choose what we do, and you can then choose whether to consent to me or say no.”
“I understand. Truly. Perhaps I said those words before and didn’t actually understand, but now I do.”
He nods. “Then perhaps we’re ready to go back to the club.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Shuddering chills rack my body. The club. Black Rose Underground. The thought still excites me.
My pussy tingles, and…
Damn.
My asshole is throbbing. Seriously throbbing. Is that even physiologically possible?
Braden hasn’t taken me there yet.
He was going to, that fateful night that led to our breakup.
But he didn’t. I’m still a virgin in that sense.
“What else is there at the club?” I ask, my voice coming out nearly breathless.
“Oh, Skye, there’s so much more. You’ve only been to the bondage room.”
I gulp. “What other rooms are there?”
“Some rooms are for light play only.”
“Light play?”
“Yes. Basic spanking, light bondage. For example, how I bound your wrists with my necktie at my office.”
“What’s bondage, then? Is it light play?”
“Bondage, other than light bondage, is heavy play. What you saw at the club is considered heavy play.”
“Especially the neck binding, right?”
“In my opinion, anything involving the neck is edge play.”
“What’s edge play?”
“Anything that involves a risk of physical or mental harm.”
“Mental harm?”
“Yeah. I steer clear of edge play, for the most part. It doesn’t interest me much. Most of it isn’t allowed at Black Rose Underground.”
“But I saw the breath control.”
“Not everyone considers breath control edge play, so I allow it, but all practitioners have to sign a special consent form before they can do it at my club.”
“I see. And I didn’t sign that form.”
“You didn’t, but it doesn’t matter. I wasn’t going to do it anyway.”
“Your hard limit.”
“Yes,” he says, but of course, he offers no further explanation.
“What else is considered edge play?”
“Anything that draws blood.”
I gasp. “People actually do that?”
He nods. “Knife play, gun play, fire play. I don’t allow any of that.”
“Gun play? Fire play? People do that?”
He nods.
“Is that another hard limit for you?”
“I’ve already told you that I only have one hard limit, Skye.”
I nod. I can’t deny that breath play still intrigues me, but it no longer feels necessary.