“I guess she agreed with you,” I tell him. “I was a challenge.”
“I hope you’re not blaming yourself for any of this.”
“I’m not anymore. But I was for a long time.”
“But you didn’t remember.”
“I didn’t, but somewhere inside me, my subconscious did. You see, I felt like a fraud, but that was only the top layer. The icing on the cake. The cake and filling were much more significant, and they were hiding in my subconscious. When Rosa asked me what I like about our lifestyle, I told her how much pleasure it gives me. But when she asked me why I desired the neck binding so much, even after you told me it was a hard limit, I had to really think how I felt at the time.”
“And how did you feel?”
“I wasn’t thinking of it as a turn-on. I was thinking of it as a necessity. Then I had to figure out why it was a necessity.”
“And now?”
“It’s no longer a necessity. I can’t deny that I was enthralled by the concept. Part of me still is, but I can accept that it’s a hard limit for you. And I can accept that without knowing why.”
He pierces my gaze. “Can you? Really?”
I nod. “I understand your reticence. You know me well, but once a few things click into place, everything changes. I’m not telling you that my stubborn nature will be gone overnight.”
“You wouldn’t be you, otherwise.”
“Exactly. And you like a challenge.”
“I do.”
“Knowing myself better doesn’t change the essence of who I am,” I say. “It only changes my reaction. I was a difficult kid who was a lot for my mom to handle. I’m still that way, and she loves me despite all of it.”
“I love you, too, Skye.”
I smile. “I know. And I love you.”
“Are you sure you can give up the breath control?”
“Absolutely. I can do it because it’s no longer necessary. Admittedly, I’m intrigued by it, but I love you more than I need it.”
He fingers my hair. “I’m very glad to hear that.”
Can you tell me why it’s a hard limit for you?
The words are lodged in the back of my throat. My curiosity, my need to know…all of it is trapped there with the words I want to say.
But I keep them there.
I will not nag him for information. Not anymore. I respect him too much to do that.
But there is something else I need to get off my chest.
“Braden…”
“Hmm?” He kisses my forehead and sniffs my hair. “Love that raspberry shampoo.”
My skin tingles, and the tickle between my legs intensifies.
No. Have to talk first.
“There’s something else I need to tell you.”
“What?” He stiffens slightly.
“Relax. It’s nothing bad, but I want complete honesty.” At least on my end, though I keep that last part to myself.
“All right.”
“Addie’s sister called me.”
“Apple? Why?”
“She offered to tell me what went on between you and Addie ten years ago.”
He stiffens further. In fact he’s rigid. He could be a statue carved in marble. “I see.”
“I was tempted,” I say. “I went for a drink with her and was ready to hear the whole story, but then I remembered something you said to me.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. You said I could take my time. That we could talk when I was ready. You didn’t push me, Braden, and I love you for it. I owe you that same respect and courtesy.”
His lips curve upward into a half-smile. “That must have been difficult for you.”
“Oh, you have no idea.”
He cups my cheek and kisses the tip of my nose. “You deserve a reward.”
“I think so.”
He kisses my nose again. “You’re an amazing woman, Skye. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
I can’t help myself. “Is that a compliment or an insult?”
“Woman!” He rakes his fingers through his hair. “Don’t you know by now what you do to me?”
“Yes, I know. You do the same thing to me. You have since I first laid eyes on you. No one can deny your obvious physical appeal, but it was your demeanor that got to me. Your presence. You fill every room you’re in, Braden. Nothing scares you. Nothing.”
“Only one thing,” he says, cupping my cheek once more.
“What’s that?”
“The thought of my life without you.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I open my mouth, but only a soft sigh emerges.
I’ve brought him to his knees.
I’ve brought Braden Black to his knees.
He places two fingers over my lips. “Don’t say anything. I know I ended our relationship, and I did so for good reason. But being without you…” He shakes his head. “It’s not something I want to experience again.”
“You don’t have to,” I say.
“I didn’t think this would happen to me.” He shakes his head. “We started out the same way I always start out. I saw something I wanted, and I went after it. But you got inside me somehow. And then, right before that last trip to New York, you broke me. Your tears, your sadness. I would have committed murder to keep that sadness away from you forever.”