“Professor, I’m in 101 still. I’m afraid you’re going to have to spell that out for me. I’ve attended exactly one lecture and all we went over were the four basic laws. Beginners stuff.”
I took her hand in mine and caressed the back of it which was covered in freckles.
“Beauty quarks are recent discoveries that defy the Standard Model. Particles you expect to act one way and then they go and do something that defies the very boundaries in which they exist. They decay at different rates, favor electrons over muons. Some say there must be a secret particle influencing the outcome. Something we can’t see and don’t know about yet.”
“You’re saying I’m an anomaly? That I should be brainwashed too and still in Joplin like the rest of them?”
“How many defectors did you know of while you were a part of the cult?”
“I never knew any. I heard stories though, but had no way to verify them.”
“Do you realize how rare and brave it was of you to run away?”
“I think so. At first I was afraid I was a temperamental teenager and I’d regret the decision I made. But my first night out of there, I ran into the woods, and the feeling of freedom overtook me. My adrenaline was rushing and my heart was pounding, but I was smiling in the dark. I felt like I’d stolen away with my own thoughts, like I got to keep my mind as the prize—and that feeling? It was the best in the world. So good, in fact, it almost made up for losing my whole family.”
“A family is a lot to lose, but you’d already lost them when they gave themselves to Joplin. I’m glad you’re free. I think you’re a miracle. A true wonder. A beauty quark of the truest form.”
“Are beauty quarks beautiful?” she asked me. Her lips were so near mine, I could practically taste the lime and tequila that lingered on them.
“All of physics is beautiful to me. But you, Celia, are the most beautiful, unpredictable matter I’ve ever seen.”
My fingers slipped around the back of her neck and I pulled her face to me.
“Did I pass this quiz?” she whispered, closing her eyes.
Not all matter is visible. There are forces in the Universe we cannot see.
I kissed her then and her body softened beneath me, pliant, impressionable, but with an invisible strength I knew lived inside her.
I sat up suddenly on the rock of my youth, the beauty quark draped elegantly over it.
“You’re a boxer at the gym! I know Lou is kind, but he doesn’t just give out jobs namby pamby. How did you excel at a sport you were never trained in, or are you just generally fit?” I felt ill I hadn’t asked her about herself and her dreams and aspirations, her hobbies—the things she loved to do and that were particular to her identity. I’d been the pretentious professor talking only about myself and my skills.
“I’ve been boxing for years on my own, whenever I could get away,” she said. A nimble smile lit her face like a glow worm.
I grabbed her biceps through her sweatshirt in disbelief. The girl had guns. She flexed for me without moving her arms, the smile still illuminating her gorgeous face.
“No shit?” I said. “You’re the real badass between us. I imagine girls in Joplin are not supposed to box.”
“Hell no!” she squealed. “I’d watch games when I could get a signal, sometimes training videos.”
The surprise was real, I was stunned into absolute silence. “The beauty quark shadowboxing in the night,” I said shaking my head. It was the last thing I expected, and I was surprised how much it turned me on. I grabbed her chin and moved her head side to side inspecting her face, and sure enough, there was a small hump on the bridge of her nose.
“How many times?” I asked her.
“Broken? Just once. But I knocked her down for the count in the end.”
“Good girl!”
“But we re-matched the following season!”
“How long have you been out?”
“A little over a year.”
“Well, who won that second fight?”
“Me!” she said. Her smile wide and proud. But then Celia reached up and clicked out her two front teeth and held them in her hand. A partial denture plate. A striking space and pink gum remained where her two perfect front teeth had been but a moment ago.
“Holy fuck,” I whistled. “She payed you back good though, didn’t she?”
Her smile never faded. She was proud of losing her teeth. The girl was fighter.
I grabbed her chin again and kissed her hard, sliding my tongue into the soft spot where her teeth had formerly lived.
Sometimes, a particle acts like a particle so you believe it’s one. But then after isolation, accompanied by careful observation, you realize not all particles are identical and their unexpected behavior might not only knock you for a loop, it may even change the way you observe the world around you.