The doctor looks around the waiting area as he asks, “O’Malley? Who’s here for Paul O’Malley?”
Everybody in the room turns and rushes toward him. The doctor shakes his head. He lifts his hands and says, “Next of kin?”
My heart drops.
The doctor only wants Liam. Grudgingly, he agrees to take both brothers with him into a side room.
I’ve been fighting back the tears, but now I have to turn away from JoJo sitting beside me.
It takes me a moment to get control of myself.
“This is all my fault, JoJo. All of this. The whole O’Malley family is in so much pain because of me, because of my mess and the horrible consequences of whatever the fallout will be.” I’m biting my knuckles. “And Paul…” I turn back to JoJo. “I practically lured him into this. That was what they wanted. They took me to get to him. I was the bait in their trap.”
I keep the tears back. All except one. One long, thin stream pops out and spills down my cheek.
“How do you stand it, JoJo? How do any of you?”
She takes my hand. “We’ve all been there, Lucy. Most of us more times than we can say,” she squeezes my hand in hers, “and I’m not saying that to normalize it or to say ‘it gets easier,’ because it doesn’t. It never hurts less. It’s never any easier.” She pulls on my hand and looks straight in my eyes, “But it’s not your fault, Lucy. It’s not any of your doing.”
“They took me, JoJo…”
She shakes her head. “You can’t think that way.”
Paul’s sister Mary stands over us. She has her eye on the consulting room where the doctor took the O’Malley men. “Tell me what happened, Lucy.” She lays a firm hand on my shoulder and bends closer. “From the start. Tell me everything. Piece by piece.”
JoJo suggests we get coffee for everyone and takes me to a little café in the hospital.
I know she’s just trying to give me a break. I can see the concern in her face.
I ask her, “How do you cope with this? All of the time. It must be constant. You must be on the edge at every moment. Always living with the threat of danger. Violence… how do you deal with it? How can you live with this, JoJo?”
I know I sound like I’m on the verge of hysteria, but JoJo’s face is calm, soft. Sympathetic. She puts her hand on mine.
“You had a fucking awful experience, Lucy. You must have been scared out of your wits.”
“You wouldn’t have been.”
JoJo smirks. “They wouldn’t have tried it with me. I’m a fighter, remember? And if they did, I’d have made them wish they hadn’t.”
“I’m pretty sure Paul made them wish that.” I choke on his name. “He risked his life, JoJo. Just to get me out. He shouldn’t…”
She squeezes my hand. “Paul knew what he was doing. He always knows what he’s doing.”
“He put me in the back of the car, JoJo. He strapped me in tight.”
“He always knows what he’s doing.”
Liam O’Malley’s face is gray and drawn as he steps out of the consulting room with Peter and John. His eyes burn with anger. Mary goes straight to him.
I tell JoJo, “You must want to hear.”
She puts her hand on mine. “But I know that you do, too, Lucy. We’ll find out together.”
“JoJo, the truth is I don’t know if I can take it. What if the news…” My head shakes as Liam walks solemnly toward us. “I don’t think I can do this, JoJo.”
When Liam asks me how I’m doing, I’m close to cracking. He sees that JoJo needs news of her brother, and he’s kind enough to include me.
“The surgeon says that Paul is strong. The fact that he’s still here, that he’s fighting, is a very good sign. It’s reason to hope.”
My lip trembles and I feel the twitch in my eyebrow. Liam goes on. “The next eighteen hours are critical. Tonight will be the most dangerous time.”
He looks at me as he says, “Paul needs us with him. Those who love him can give him strength. He needs to feel us all near him. Feel us around him. Rooting for him. Willing him on. He needs to hear our thoughts and prayers.”
I don’t want to say that I’ve not been a strong or devout churchgoer, but Liam says, “It doesn’t need to be formal. Paul never had much time for priests, he just needs to feel all of our strength.”
Still hanging back in the doorway to his sterile room, I look at the man of my dreams laid out under hospital blankets. His life is suspended by pumps and wires. The only sounds in the room are the chirps and beeps of the machines that monitor his vital signs.