* * *
“Birdie, have you heard a word I’ve said to you?” Mum asks early Christmas morning while I stand in her kitchen staring at the kettle waiting for it to boil. She’s been prattling on about her latest dating adventure, and while I did start out paying attention, my thoughts drifted off when she got to the bit about the guy still working in the same job for the same company for the past thirty-five years. I mean, who does that?
“Yes, I’m listening,” I lie.
She plants her hands on her hips and gives me her “you’re lying” look. “You were not.”
I stare back at her trying to win this little detour in conversation, but I know it’s pointless. “Seriously, how is he not bored out of his brain still doing the same job for all these decades?”
“Seriously, why are you focussing on that rather than the fact he wants me to wear leather, strap on a collar, and submit to whatever he tells me to do?”
I almost choke on my own tongue. “Jesus, are you going to?” Not that I’m against a little BDSM if that’s what people are into, but my mother? I can’t even imagine it. She’d likely smack him away if he tried to dominate her.
Her eyes widen. “Darling, I like a strong man, but if I ever tell you I have a safe word, have me committed.”
“You have a safe word?” Winter says to Mum as he enters the kitchen and catches the end of our conversation. He appears as perplexed with the idea as I was.
“God, no,” Mum says. “But the guy I’ve been dating wants me to.”
“You gonna keep seeing him?” Winter asks.
“Not if I can help it,” Mum says.
I slide my hand around his waist when he comes to me, a
nd take hold of his face with my other hand so I can pull him down for a kiss. “Merry Christmas,” I murmur once I end the kiss. “How was your run?” He’s been gone for a good hour and is sweaty as hell, but I don’t care. I’ll take him any way I can get him. Especially since I’ve been in Sydney for the last week before he joined me late yesterday afternoon.
He brushes his lips over mine again, whispering, “Fuck, you taste good.” Then, pulling away, he says, “The run was good, but it’s hot out there. I’m gonna go take a shower.”
“Winter,” Mum says as he grabs the cold water out of the fridge. “I know you said you’re leaving tomorrow, but I’m missing my son-in-law. I’ve hardly seen you this year. Are you sure you can’t stay another few days?”
I make eyes at my mother. We’ve discussed this and I’ve made it clear to her not to harass him about staying longer.
She makes eyes back at me. Of course she does; she thinks she can get away with anything when it comes to Winter. He humours her more than anyone, but she’s about to find out that on this topic, he humours no one.
The light in his eyes disappears. “No, I can’t, Jennifer.”
Mum’s eyes widen a little. Winter never calls her by her full name anymore. “Not even an extra day? You could go home the day after Boxing—”
Winter’s face turns to stone. “I’ve said no and I mean no. This isn’t up for negotiation.” He guzzles his glass of water and exits the kitchen without another word to either of us. I take in the set of his shoulders as he leaves; they’re hard as stone too.
“Goodness,” Mum says, looking like she’s just been fully chastised. “I don’t recognise him this trip. He’s like a whole different man.”
Mum hasn’t seen Winter in four months. A lot has happened in those months. Plus, it’s Christmas and that always brings out his darker side. “Remember it’s Christmas, Mum. Max is on his mind. And you know he’s got the club stuff consuming him at the moment. I told you not to give him hell about this.”
“Well, all I can say is I hope things change soon, because I’m concerned you’re losing the man you married.”
Winter is not the man I married. I’ve lost parts of him over the years as he lost more than anyone should lose in their lifetime. There are pieces of him still in there, but life stole some pieces it shouldn’t have. Mum doesn’t often get a glimpse into any of this because, like she said, she hardly sees him anymore. And I don’t often discuss him with her. Not in this way. She wouldn’t understand because she doesn’t understand club life. She hears about our fertility battles and my work issues, and random life stuff, but anything to do with the club is kept between Lily and me. She’s my go-to person when I need to get that stuff off my chest.
“Please don’t bring any of this up with him. I just want us to have a nice Christmas together,” I say.
She watches me silently for a few moments before nodding her agreement. Thankfully, she lets the subject go. “Speaking of which, what time do you think you’ll be back from your lunch at Lily’s? I’m trying to co-ordinate everyone for dinner tonight and I thought it might be nice for us to get together earlier so we can really catch up.”
“How about four o’clock? I don’t think Winter wants to stay too long at this lunch.” Lily and King are hosting Christmas lunch at their place.
“Can you go and check that time with him so I can confirm it for Lucas and Carey?”
I agree and head into the guest bedroom Winter and I are staying in. I find him in the bathroom standing under the shower with both hands pressed to the tiles and his head bowed. I can’t see his face, but I don’t need to in order to know he’s not in a good place. That information is written all over his body.